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Why Hasn’t He Called and What Should I Do About It?

5 Apr

So last Thursday I had this absolutely fabulous date where this darling lifeguard spent hours telling me how fabulous I am. I came home feeling oh-so-happy, and a little scared because it has been a long time since I have had a date that I had that much fun on. When I woke up the next morning, I had a text from him. Nice, I thought. Then later that night, he called me. We had a flirty little chat, that went well but he did call me out on something stupid I had said during our date. Ironic, since I wrote a post on what NOT to say the night before meeting him. What can I say – word vom. But in any case, he told me he didn’t care, and that he had a blast and that he would be keeping his eye out for a cute girl running around the bay. (Clearly, he’s never seen me run…). I cut the call a little short because I was out buying wine with the roomie, and he ended it with, “Ok , talk to you later.”

So, um, when exactly is later? Because that was Friday night and this is Tuesday and I still haven’t heard a peep. I have spent a good portion of the last four days wondering – why hasn’t he called??

The answers I’ve come up with are as follows.

  • He fell into a well
  • He’s a Sven
  • I gave him strepp throat – possible since I now have it
  • He got lazy – my guy friends claim this is the number one reason they don’t call girls they think are cute
  • He met another girl on Saturday who is even more awesome than I am (impossible! I know…)
  • When he said he didn’t care about the dumb thing I said, he actually really did
  • He did text, but my phone hates him and deleted it. (Normally I am not dumb enough to think this is a possibility but I never got the first text that he swears he sent. Luckily, he emailed me to follow up that time).
  • He’s still planning on calling, but he’s just waiting because he doesn’t want to come on to strong
  • He’s drunk and/or stoned
  • He’s afraid I don’t like him because my guard was a little up on Thurs, or because I cut our call short on Friday
  • He actually didn’t like me all that much and he was just trying to get into my pants- #fail!
  • He hates planning (he told me this) so he’s just going to call me one random day when he is free. (Note, I love planning. Planning is my bestie).
  • He really did like me that much that night, but forgot about it the next day
  • He got caught for breaking us into the lifeguard tower to watch the waves and now he’s in jail
  • He actually DID see me running over the weekend and decided he could not date such a sweaty mess

That’s all I’ve got. As you can see, I’ve put in quite a bit of thought about this (partly because I have been home sick and am bored out of my mind…) But the real question isn’t, why hasn’t he called, but what am I going to do about it. Do I call him? Text him? Egg his house?

Anyone who knows me will tell you I am not an old-fashioned girl. I’ll approach a guy in a bar, I’ll hit on guys via Facebook, and I have certainly done my fair share of calling in the past. But I also know that, most of the time, guys are turned off by girls who pursue them. Especially a guy like this – good looking, cocky, etc. I am sure he gets pursued often, and I don’t want to fall into that category. But am I OK with just doing nothing and never hearing from him again? I don’t know.

I like the idea of doing nothing bc A. I don’t have to put myself out there and B. I really do believe that if he liked me enough, he’d be calling me – even if he did fall into a well. Maybe it is unrealistic, but I want to date a guy who is so smitten with me that I don’t have to pursue him. That’s how it was with Mr. Not Quite Right. I don’t think a day went by after we met that I didn’t hear from him and I absolutely loved that security. So if this guy isn’t all that smitten with me, do I really want to force it on him? What’s wrong with him that he can’t see a catch when it is right in front of him? And if I go with this option then I already know I have my little kickball cutie to distract me come next Friday (although he is someone I know I have zero future with).

But doing nothing is SO not my style. When I want a new watch – I go buy it. When I want a better job title – I go get it. I am a doer, always have been, and I believe we make our own destiny. So would it be so bad for me to send him a text? Or maybe just pick up the phone and call? Am I really ready to just throw in the towel on someone I thought had actual potential? It’s a tough call (get the pun?!).

So readers, I am opening it up to you. Tell me why you think he hasn’t called and/or what you think I should do about it. I feel like this is one of those times that I just can’t make up my own mind and I would much appreciate someone making it up for me. Best suggestion wins my eternal gratitude. Please and thanks.

103 Responses to “Why Hasn’t He Called and What Should I Do About It?”

  1. Belinda April 6, 2011 at 12:02 am #

    Is it possible he knows about the blog and doesn’t want to be the subject of it?

    • Cali Bradshaw April 6, 2011 at 12:07 am #

      Nope. Not possible. Very few people know that this blog is me and he doesn’t know any of those people. And the blog isn’t tied to my real name in any way…

      • tony September 16, 2011 at 12:42 am #

        maybe he wants you to wait thats what some guys do we just say were gonna call and we wanna keep the girls waiting or maybe even hes think in bout you and him and maybe he doesnt want to call yet cause he still needs to think of what to say just to please you

  2. Office Ninja April 6, 2011 at 12:06 am #

    You can text/call him, it is very much allowed. Especially if he asked you out then texted and called after- he did work, maybe it’s your turn.
    There’s no need to spend time obsessing because you’re trying to play some coy little game- If you’re a doer then DO IT, it’s who you are and he’s going to find that out sooner or later. Why not be you from the very start?

    • Cali Bradshaw April 6, 2011 at 12:34 am #

      A very valid point, office ninja. That is very much “me” and the last thing I would want would be to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t appreciate the real me!

  3. M April 6, 2011 at 12:09 am #

    “I want to date a guy who is so smitten with me that I don’t have to pursue him.”

    “…good looking, cocky, etc. I am sure he gets pursued often”

    Well there’s your problem, as mechanics say. He’s got lots of other options pursuing him. You’re on his radar, but that radar screen is clogged.

    He sounds like a long waiting game could pay off. Guys eventually tire of girls who pursue them, although in the short term these girls massage their ego.

    By getting in touch this soon, you risk becoming one of those girls. This sort of guy could be worth a text in a month’s time to see if he’s still interested, but before that you have to let him do his thing.

    That’s my perspective, anyhow. Good luck with whatever you decide.

    M out.

    • Cali Bradshaw April 6, 2011 at 12:33 am #

      Ugh. Stupid clogged radar. Yes, you’re probably right about that. Although there is no way I’d ever wait a month to text someone. By then I’ll for sure have moved on! But your point about guys tiring of girls that pursue them is excellent. That makes me think I was right with my initial plan to do nothing. I don’t want to be one of those girls.

      Le bummer.

      • Some Guy April 7, 2012 at 12:37 am #

        I’ve had the same thing happen with me with girls….I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had girls come up to me and start hitting on me…I’ve had women practically force their phone number on me. Morning rolls around; I’ll text them, and then I get the response “I don’t know you.” Several simply don’t respond. I’m an attractive highly motivated guy, but I don’t play those games and I simply don’t get it. It’s gotten to a point where I just don’t even want to bother taking girls numbers. I’ve been single for four years as a result, but I look back at it and I think…if a girl isn’t dedicated enough to respond to my message, she’s not going to be dedicated enough to stay in a committed relationship. If a girl likes me and is worthy of a relationship, she will respond to my messages. These guys sound like they probably aren’t the greatest catch, and if you seriously like a guy, you shouldn’t sit around and wait for him–You’ll just get players texting 50 girls that way–then again maybe that’s what you want.

        • Some Girl September 24, 2012 at 10:04 am #

          Go out with me then. If you’re an attractive and highly motivated man like you say you are, I’ll reply to all your messages and not play games.

  4. Amber April 6, 2011 at 12:33 am #

    Here’s what I know:

    1) If a guy really likes you, he’ll call. He’ll call twice, even, when you don’t call him back right away.

    2) Waiting for him to call you isn’t a “coy little game.” It’s basic psychology. We work harder for things that mean more, that are a little harder than average to attain. If you want to continue chasing him through your whole relationship, go for it! I fully support you. But if you want him to value you as well, then make him put a little effort into it.

    3) Every single time I’ve dated a guy like this and “let” myself call him just to make sure that he didn’t “forget” about me, I totally regretted it in the end. If it really kills you to do nothing, I would send him a really casual text message – “Hey! Hope you had a great weekend.” etc – and then play it cool.

    Good luck! Excited to hear what happens!

    • PlayingtheDatingGame February 2, 2012 at 5:42 pm #

      I think that’s excellent advice Amber! It’s true, they will call twice (or more) if they really like you (sometimes within the span of hours). I’ve only dated one exception to this rule (a guy who never called but was totally into me — and the challenge totally worked on me too, we were together 7 years).

  5. CourtingSF April 6, 2011 at 1:02 am #

    You cut it short…you call him.

    Waiting for the guy to call is “conventional/ typical” and just call or send a text– no response… move on

    All the reasons you gave seems like you’re really are hurt bc he hasn’t called– it literally rips me apart when someone says they call back and you can spend all week thinking what if– or you can do what i do. send an email/ text asking simply “What happened”

    Our mind is capable of creating hours of scenarios and recalling everything that night that may have triggered the his nonresponsiveness– don’t waste your energy.

    :-) In Peace

  6. Single_Blonde April 6, 2011 at 2:14 am #

    Don’t call. That never seems to go well. Think of it as “the rule, not the exception”. Also, don’t waste another minute wondering why he hasn’t called. There’s no way you’ll ever know. Most likely he has cast a wide net and has several other dates lined up. Most guys would think that calling every few days is too much for someone they have been on one date with. And, I think you’re giving him too much credit. He could have been on his best behavior, but on date two or three, he could bitch out a waitperson or tell a joke in really poor taste.

    My advice? Go run (when you’re feeling better.) Meet up with a girlfriend or two for happy hour. Go on another date. If it’s meant to be, he’ll call. Being an active and interesting person is way more attractive than letting some silly boy make you feel bad.

    • yaya August 3, 2011 at 5:07 pm #

      Wow you are right thanks for the advise. Im going through something very similar to Cali girl

      • Cali Bradshaw August 4, 2011 at 2:41 am #

        You are most welcome and I am sorry to hear you are going through something similar. I hope you have better luck than I did in this particular situation :)

  7. Bec Train April 6, 2011 at 3:27 am #

    We aren’t 21 anymore and therefore we shouldn’t have to deal with these relationship games anymore (even though somehow we do, no matter how old we get). If you are interested in him and you think he is interested in you, then I say call. What damage can it really do? Better to find out now if he’s not worth it then months down the road.

    Also, his final response was “Ok, talk to you later.” That could mean many different things. You were the one that said you had to go. Therefore, he could have taken that as ok you will call me back later. That’s how I saw it, when someone says that to me after I say I have to go, I take that as they want me to call them back. Or, you could have taken that as “ok i will call you later then”. See, so many different ways it could have been taken.

    So, I say don’t waste your time wondering — call him already and see what’s up. You are putting the ball in his court by doing that. Also, the way he responds to your call will tell you everything you need to know.

    Good Luck.

    -Bec Train

  8. Workshy Joe April 6, 2011 at 10:02 am #

    Well that’s actually a surprise.

    Based on your description of the last date I thought he was a people-pleasing “nice guy”.

    Apparently not.

    I could speculate about what his motives are, but I don’t think that would be very productive.

    From your viewpoint, you just need to decide how you will react if he does eventually call.

    His motives are not the issue here.

  9. Jonathan Manor April 7, 2011 at 5:43 am #

    I had no idea women felt like this. Not to seem jerk’like, but I’ve gotten a lot of numbers from women and never gave any of them a call back. I always just did it for fun, or a spur of the moment type of thing. Currently I haven’t been putting a lot of effort on meeting women because I feel like I should putting a better focus on other things in my life, like work and a career. That’s pretty much why I don’t call back.

    It’s absolutely fine if you text this guy back, but do so in a way that doesn’t seem needy. Here are certain texts from women who have called me that I decided not to respond to:

    “Hey what are you up to?”

    “How about coffee today?”

    “Would you be willing to hang out today?”

    “Do you want to grab dinner tonight?”

    If you reply with humor and light fun, you’ll be better received. Something like:

    “Hey what happened to you? Did you get hit by a Volvo?”


    “I heard there was an animal attack in your neighborhood? Are you okay? Did the penguins hug you?”

    I don’t think there’s any man who can refuse a woman who represents herself with such fun and positivity.

    • SayWhaat April 8, 2011 at 3:38 am #

      Wow. Wouldn’t have thought a simple “hey what are you up to?” or coffee invite would be construed as “needy”.

      • Jonathan Manor April 8, 2011 at 6:31 am #

        Yep! It’s just something about it that makes it so plain and it’s lacking of personality that makes it so blehhhhh. It’s like basically saying, “So do you still want to go out with me?” There’s nothing there to spike my interest. It’s so bland that it just seems needy.

        If a guy hasn’t called you back, unfortunately, he hasn’t really gave you a second thought lately. You can’t change his mind simply by asking if he’s willing to do something.

        Be fun. That’s pretty much it.

        • Cali Bradshaw April 8, 2011 at 7:38 pm #

          Actually, I very much agree with you. In my opinion a, “what are you up to text?” says, ” I don’t have enough balls to ask you out but I am wondering if you wanted to ask me out again.” It is not very compelling.

        • surprised April 12, 2011 at 9:14 pm #

          Seriously? If someone sent me a text asking if I’d been attacked by a wild animal I’d think he was some kind of desperate loser with a poor sense of humor. I much prefer a simple invite.

  10. Cali Bradshaw April 8, 2011 at 7:42 pm #

    I did end up texting this guy, because A. I liked Office Ninja’s point that if he is going to date me, he may as well know the real me from the start and B. Because I freaking wanted to! There were enough reputable sources that said I should text him, so I went for it. In the end, if he really did like me, then one text couldn’t hurt that much. And if he didn’t like me, then the text would clarify that for me so I could move on!

    So, I asked him a question about a run route that we had talked about quite a bit. It wasn’t a hilariously witty text, but it was written in my usual style. We texted back and forth, and I still feel like there were some mixed signals. BUT now I am clear that the ball is in his court. In truth, I suspect that this is one of those situations where there are a lot of outside factors that make the timing of our meeting not so ideal: like that he just got back to the county two weeks ago. And that he doesn’t have anywhere to live for the next month and he’s going for a promotion/working 12 hour shifts everyday. If he does end up asking me out again – excellent. If not, oh well! I learned long ago that timing is everything, and if the timing isn’t right, it really doesn’t matter how awesome the two of you would be together.

    Thank you ALL for the advice, everyone. I took it all to heart!

    PS he referred to me as “sweetness” in one of his texts, which I feel like may be reason alone not to see him again even if he does ask me out! Sweetness?? What is that? :) Good thing he’s attractive.

    • Jonathan Manor April 8, 2011 at 9:46 pm #

      Note to self: stop calling girls “sweetness”


    • Pamela March 30, 2012 at 11:59 am #

      oh my god i have just read through this entire thread….i feel so overwhelmed! this is happening to me right now! the kn£b hasnt texted or called. its so frustrating! but so nice to know that im not the only one who feels the way i do!
      reading this was like a breath of fresh air thanks guys xx

  11. VicT April 8, 2011 at 9:05 pm #

    I think that you shouldn’t try to analyse why the idiot hasn’t called. You have two options right now:

    1) Do nothing — he may call later or not at all.
    2) Text or call him — if he likes you enough to see you again, then at the very least you got a second date, and if not you are in the exact same place as if you do something.

    I say you have nothing to lose by reaching out to him. But I would only give him one more chance. After that he needs to do all the work.

    Let me know how it goes!

    • Cali Bradshaw April 8, 2011 at 10:45 pm #

      Touche and ultimately, that is exactly what I decided. I am just an analytical person and I like to consider all options and make an informed decision. But eventually I realized I’ll never know WHY he didn’t call unless I reach out to him.

      Thanks for the comment!

  12. Reality Check April 11, 2011 at 5:08 pm #

    So, um, when exactly is later? Because that was Friday night and this is Tuesday and I still haven’t heard a peep. I have spent a good portion of the last four days wondering – why hasn’t he called??

    Cali – i say he is probably employing game.. in the hopes of keeping you interested (it seems as if it is working?)

    *So what has happened with the guy thus far?

    • Cali Bradshaw April 11, 2011 at 5:20 pm #

      That’s what I thought at first too. But when I finally did text him, we texted back and forth (kinda flirty) and he said work was really crazy but he’d call me when it was less busy. Pretty sure that was him blowing me off. In any case it was a good dating reminder to me… sometimes, even when the date goes really well and you are hundred percent sure that the guy liked you, doesn’t mean he’s going to date you!

      Oh well. Luckily I have my kickball crush to distract me from my pain ;)

  13. theromanticrealist April 15, 2011 at 8:57 pm #

    funny. i am debating whether or not to text my kickball guy.. just cause i know it’ll be weird between us next time we see each other. i just blogged about it.. came here.. and realized.. i better just wait until he texts me!! lol.

  14. Pocahontas April 26, 2011 at 9:24 am #

    Reiterating what I wrote for the Sven post: he probably wanted to get into your pants but got the hint that you were into dating him (and got scared). He took you out to get a feel for you, to see if you’d sleep with him. When he texted you after the date, he still had hope you would sleep with him. After thinking about it and texting back and forth, he realized you were more about the dating, so he backed off. He’d much rather hurt you and forget about you than string along a girl for the sex while she continuously bothers him to have “the talk” already.

    Also, bringing up the “stupid thing” you said is not smart on his part. It’s too soon to be bringing up disagreements! Red flag! Red flag!

    • Cali Bradshaw April 27, 2011 at 1:33 am #

      Yea… that was pretty lame that he brought up the “stupid thing” I said again. I wanted to be like, oh pleaseeee. A. You asked and called me out on lying the first few times. and B. You think everything you said was suave?! Puhlease. I think in this specific case, the dude just got back from traveling for 5 months and had been back for like 5 days when we went on the date. At the time he was literally homeless, (staying on his sister’s couch bc he had to come back early) and going for a promotion at work – so I think I just took a back seat to his priorities. And then, classic guy move, too much time had passed and he had already been distracted by the next shiny new object that passed his way! In any case, I am not taking it personally!

  15. ThatOneGuy August 6, 2011 at 3:12 pm #

    Going through my laptop as usual I came across this while going through my history. Most likely to blame my sister since she had “borrowed” it while I was at work. Reading through a few of your posts and the comments along with them I think men are kinda being outnumbered here and overcomplicated in this blog. You HAVE to understand that men are very simple to begin with. What one guy said who called himself an “international” man pretty much had it down in the sven posts. Men do things simply out of fun, pleasure, or pride.

    We live in a society that condones short-lived marriages and even shorter relationships. As much as I hate to say it but its going to be difficult to find that one Man willing to commit to a long-term anything and women are coming out the same way.

    Thanks for the quick distraction.


    • Cali Bradshaw August 6, 2011 at 4:57 pm #

      Hi there – thanks so much for your comment! Love that you found this while going through your history. Good stuff. I think you are exactly right about men being simple and in actuality I know that. But that doesn’t mean it is easy to explain every action guys make. I want this blog to be a place for ladies to connect and talk about their frustrations or excitement and for guys to have some insight into how the ladies think. So many of my guy friends have told me they don’t understand how girls think and it is precisely because we over complicate things. In any case, I totally agree that it will be difficult to find a man who will commit long term, and I actually think it is my being realistic about that fact that has kept me single for so long. So many girls I know are dating guys that aren’t that into them or worse, are cheating on them, and they have blinders up about it. Sometimes I think I might be better off if I was that way!

      Anywho, thanks for your comment and for reading.

    • Anne Marie January 13, 2012 at 11:07 pm #

      Having working in a male dominant environment for most of my life, I would agree with you that “men are simple to begin with” and that they do things simply out of fun, pleasure, or pride”. However, why when meet a woman who understands this concept do they feel threatened?

  16. Jenna August 10, 2011 at 3:30 am #

    It’s 100% sweeter when he makes the move.

    An action is so much more flattering than a reaction. He wanted to talk to you. He wanted to see you. If you prompt it, you’ll always be wondering if it was just because you were there and you prompted it.

    If he needs you to prompt him or let him know you exist, what kind of man is that? Think about the future relationship: are you going to have to prompt him every time you want to talk/go out/have sex? That’s a noodle-man, and no one wants to be stuck with one of those.

    Wait for him to contact you. If it comes, it’s worth the wait. If not, he’s not the man for you.


  17. Lisa August 11, 2011 at 5:41 am #

    Jenna-I think your advice is the best! Thanks.


    • Leah September 6, 2011 at 6:20 pm #

      I agree! Jenna’s advice really hits a strong chord. I always feel when I am the initiator then things just peter out. And then I’m left wondering “what the heck went wrong here?”. Where’s the chivalry?

  18. ANGEL814 September 9, 2011 at 5:39 am #

    I just have to say that this entire blog has helped me out. I have been single for 6 years. I have met guys here and there, but nothing that really got a hold of me. This week I went out on a date that I had SOOOO much fun on. I was extremely surprised how much of a good time I had. I’m extremely nervous to put myself out there, I mean, really in all honesty, who does? That fear of rejection is terrible, so I’m still waiting for this guy to get a hold of me and am still debating on whether or not I should text him just something casual like ” thanks for the other night again…I had a great time!” But, now after reading all of this advice… I figure if he realized how fantastic I am, then he will be getting ahold of me. :) If not, his loss! Thank you all for the advice :)

  19. WitheringRose October 5, 2011 at 1:08 pm #

    Hi Cali, I really like your blog and the way you wrote them, really cool! I recommend it to my best friend too..

  20. Stacey October 12, 2011 at 8:56 pm #

    I’m in my 40’s and the game playing never stops. I wish it would stop, but it doesn’t!

  21. sophiz October 13, 2011 at 4:35 am #


    I just went through the EXACT same thing! except it was a first date, we chatted for 4 hours, until 2 am in a coffee shop, had a great time.. great vibe/connection. At the end of the date I said “so I guess we’ll keep in touch?” … then it’s 4 days later, and no response. I DID decide to text him yesterday, because I thought maybe my comment of “keep in touch” was taken by him as a negative “oh, she’s not interested” after one of my guy friends told me, it wasn’t a clear enough sign I wanted to see him again.. I met this guy from online dating date, so it’s a bit different.

    Anyway, even after I texted him yesterday saying I had a good time, and hope to chat with him about something of mutual interest in our fields that I forgot to bring up on the date.. no response. I honestly have no idea what happened. I went through this analytical thought process too… either he A) died, B) lost his phone, C) playing games.. D) not interested..E) waiting closer to the weekend to set up another date..

    But gradually settling on D) not interested and moving on… just strange. What guy talks with a girl for 4 hours in a coffee shop (we were the only ones there), the day before Thanksgiving, out of the way from where he lived… only not to want to see her again? Also, he seemed totally physically attracted to me, etc. This is sort of an unfortunate reality check that I can’t take anything as given, and can’t even trust my own instincts. It’s sad :(

    • Lingre25 May 30, 2012 at 6:56 pm #

      Hi Sophiz.
      I totally agree with you. It’s strange and unbelievable that a guy can be attracted to you, give all the “interested” signs and then boom, they vanish…. Not a peep out of them. It’s beyond me….
      But apparently when a guy approaches a woman all he is thinking about is how fast and how much effort it will take to bed her. If he is just fishing then he won’t hang around and put in the effort.
      He probably was in a relationship and was just on holiday looking for a “ride”

  22. sophiz October 14, 2011 at 12:41 am #

    I don’t know what to do either. Any advice appreciated :(

  23. Flower White November 5, 2011 at 3:03 pm #

    Ladies, including blog hostess.

    Move on! You’re young and hot stop wasting your time.

    If you are second guessing a man, he’s not into you.

    Please don’t text him for any reason!

    Keep your dignity and some mystery!

    “THEE” man will text you call you let you know he wants you…accept no subsititutes

    • Cali Bradshaw November 17, 2011 at 1:17 am #

      Hhahahaha touche…. and well put. I think your last point about THE man is dead on. It is easy to get caught up in the drama though but you are right, the truth is quite simple. Move. On.

      Thanks for the comment!

  24. CleoTarBarbie November 9, 2011 at 5:21 pm #

    You were right the first time. If he cared he would call you. I am in the same situation… and the last thing I want is a relationship with someone who is giving me their 80% to my 100%. Whatever, it’s harder, but there is power in inaction. You retain mystery and that certain *something*. Never lower yourself and beg.

    • Cali Bradshaw November 17, 2011 at 1:29 am #

      Soooo true. I don’t know if you saw the post that followed this one – “signs this guy may be a douchebag” but calling him was NOT the right call. If they aren’t calling, they aren’t the right guy. Simple as that.
      Thanks for the comment!

  25. BlueJaye November 14, 2011 at 4:46 pm #

    I’ve come to realized that there is no such thing as rules when it comes to dating. Either two people had a great time or it was one sided. I say if you feel that you connected with a person, you should get in contact with them. Why place such an importance in who should call first and playing the whole waiting game. We only have one life to live and time is always ticking. Give them a call. Worst case scenario is that you get no response, in which case you would know the other person is not interested and you can move on to the right person that much faster.

    Making the call to the other person is not lowering yourself. It is simply expressing your interest in trying to get to know the other person better. Plus then at least you would get an answer instead of sitting here driving yourself crazy over analyzing the whole situation.

    • Cali Bradshaw November 17, 2011 at 1:36 am #

      While I fundamentally agree with you, I do think a lot of dating is playing the game AND playing it well. So, although it seems trite, making the guy call first sets a precedent for the relationship that you are not the pursuer, you are the pursuee. However, your argument was exactly the argument I used to convince myself to call him. If you’d like to see how that turned out, please see the post entitled – Signs This Guy May Be A Douchebag.

      Thanks for reading!

  26. Jeff Brewsky November 20, 2011 at 7:24 pm #

    –He’s just not that into you. Plain and simple.end of story. Now, move on girl… :~)

    • Cali Bradshaw December 1, 2011 at 6:18 am #

      Oh I have…. many times over ;) But yes, you are quite right. He wasn’t. And on top of that, it turns out he was a huge douchebag. See the post on Signs this guy may be a douchebag…

      Thanks for the comment!

  27. Wondering November 23, 2011 at 3:06 am #

    Similar situation here as reading above…I still just don’t get it, was dating a guy for about 3 months, the he casually disappeared…due to him stating him working 16 hour days sometimes. Then he floated back into the picture, calls or texts sporadically, but still working the crazy hours. If he says something like, let me know if you are around this weekend I can maybe bug out early from my shift, does he really mean it? Do you really check in so to speak, or wait for him to reach out to you to see if you are available?

  28. Samme November 25, 2011 at 5:21 am #

    I have a guy that I’ve dated for about a month. He lives in Miami & PR and I live in Boston but we work for the same company and see each other a couple times a week. It started out with him pursuing me and now that has slowed down alot. he was calling and texting everyday now we are down to 1 or 2 text a day. He asked me to come to his parents for thanksgiving (although I had other plans) so I think he likes me but I feel he’s slipping away and it’s driving me nuts. I just want to come out and talk about it but don’t want to look needy. So should I just go along with it and wait for him to call or text me or is it zizzling out?

  29. PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE November 30, 2011 at 6:41 am #

    So I was going through the same thing just this week. I have seen this guy at work for about 2 months now. He only comes in once or twice a week. I really hadn’t notice much of him until three weeks ago. We had a very small talk, maybe two sentences and that was it. Even though it was small talk, what he said shocked me both good and bad. :) The following week, we began talking more, it probably lasted for about 15 minutes. At this point, I was feeling like a teenager again, having a crush on someone I just met. Now, the third time we spoke to each other (just last week) we actually had a real conversation! and HE gave me his number. I was pretty excited and I texted him right away to let him know what my number. From that day till Friday, we texted and talked. Until Saturday came around. He didn’t call or text, and I sure wasn’t going to do so! I didn’t want him to think I was so needy. And yes, I myself am also guilty for playing these games. Sunday came around, and no call or text! Finally Monday came around, and I started wondering why this guy hadn’t called me if we were off to a great start!!! I started doing my search to see if maybe I should be the one calling. I came across this site and I am so glad I did! I realized that I shouldn’t call if he is really into me (or at least many of you said that). AND GUESS WHAT! That same night he texted me, and today he called. :) Seems after all that he too was playing his game.

    • Cali Bradshaw December 1, 2011 at 6:08 am #

      Glad it helped my dear…. one thing I learned – they are all into games. Some of them just don’t know they are ;) Good luck to you! Hope it goes swimmingly! -Cali

  30. Jessica December 11, 2011 at 12:18 am #

    omg omg omg! games?! games are necessary! i’m sorry but i to have been guilty of being the needy girl who hasn’t a clue on what the chase was to being the ultimate game player. I’ve realised now, that ‘the game’ is to me what makes a man so attractive to me initially… mystery… someone who doesn’t give the game away straight away i like that and it makes me want to learn about that person. That said, i now take this into account when thinking about texting/calling/facebooking… i leave it. A mans instinct is to hunt a women, giving it to them straight away off the get go meaning: 1) texting back straight away 2) texting first a lot of the time 3) just making it plain obvious you want to see them and be with them. The game is fun, it puts you in control and gains you respect when considering a long term relationship. If a guy really likes you, he WILL chase you… and if they don’t then they’re not worth it and you should concentrate on the ones that are. It’s a learning process, i recently played this game to bag the guy that i fell for immediately, but he had no clue. He hadn’t been in a relationship for over a year and hadn’t seen anyone, he fell for me in the same way i did him because i was mysterious, i gave him the chase. When we split up, he told me he didn’t want anything serious after the huge argument we had, previously he told me he wanted to be with me? I took it and replied with “take care xx” i left him for four days and it’s KILLING ME… BUT because i played the game initially, for the first time in my life i handled the break up extremely well. I knew i had control still, even though it didn’t seem like it at the time i used the game to re-gain control and move on… so after four days i used the no contact rule and dropped him a text just to say i missed him and i thought he should know (which i think is ok because i’ve shown control quite a lot he knows it’s genuine and i won’t be all crazy and needy). He then replied with, “i was going to text you saying i missed you last night but i stopped myself”so what i’m trying to say basically girls, my message is, STAY STRONG. MEN LOVE THE CHASE and women who are in control and respect themselves. i hope you are all finding happiness! Please leave some advice if you have anything to offer on my situation with the boyf missing me as i now don’t know what to say back! this is a great forum!! peace xxxxxxx

  31. Barbie December 14, 2011 at 4:55 am #

    I got introduced to my moms bestfriends son on the weekend at their christmas party and it was instant connection we spent all night together i slept over didnt have sex but we hooked up and we spent all day the next day together and i would have stayed another night but i knew i better get home he said all sorts of nice things like your so cute i like you so much i can see us together its so perfect that our fams are already so close and he said he wants me to come over to his apartment on tuesday to cook me dinner to text him my number and he will text or call me mon or tues…..so i went home texted him my number and i havn’t heard back i even blocked my number to call him to make sure i got the right number and i did since he answered and i hung up then i sent one the next day saying how are you today and no response, its now tuesday night our supposed to be date night and i still havnt heard from him i dont know what happened we had such an amazing time together he seemed really genuine and we talked all through the night and day barely slept yes hes 29 and im 21 but he made all the moves and said all the sweet shit i didnt give him sex and he still continued to say all the nice things and i felt such a great connection with him so comfortable….my friends and fam think he’ll call within a week and if he doesnt then ill know but thats so douche bag of him because im his moms bestfriends daughter! so i dont know what happened yes his mom coulda said im too young i still live at home etc but he said after getting to know me more the age didnt matter and if he was into me what his family said shouldnt matter to him im a good girl and we had a great time my other reason i thought of as to why he hasnt texted is hes just super busy but then again theres 24 hours in a day and it takes less then a minute to send a quick response grrrr i dont know i liked him i fell for him i know too soon but then i go home and play all those scenarios in my head of being together etc and how perfect it is because our fams are so close and weve met before when i was really little but too young for him but now im older so now it could work and then i think maybe he didnt get my texts but then again if he was into me he would go on facebook and track me down and get my number or ask his mom for it easy peasy blah im thinking friday night when im out drinking with the girls ill give him a quick ring and just say hey howve you been all week and go from there
    im a doer and id rather be rejected and know and move on quick rather then sit wait and wonder


    • Cali Bradshaw December 15, 2011 at 4:37 am #

      Oh hun, I am so sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you are going to have this experience many many more times. Aw to be 21 again!! Basically, I am going to give it to you straight… bc if I don’t, who will? Do not call him!! You’ve already texted once, which frankly is probably one time too many. But no 29 year old guy wants a 21 year old who is pursuing them. You did NOTHING wrong, this guy is a Sven, move on. Guys do this all the time. When they are in the moment they make you feel like they are planning your life together. That’s because in that moment, they really are. But guys are different than girls because in the next moment they are able to be thinking something entirely different. The good news is, a guy who is genuinely smitten with you and ready for a relationship will never put you through this. So f this dude, and go find someone who is less of a douche.

      Good luck! – Cali

  32. Alli December 20, 2011 at 12:57 am #

    So for all you men out there, what do you guys want?? I have never been more confused in all my life!!

  33. Abby December 26, 2011 at 2:03 pm #

    I came across this after googling ‘should I call him?’ Love your blog-just added it to my favorites- and I love hearing that other people go through this too!!

    I’m 22 and living in Korea, and it’s hard enough to find a guy who speaks English and is a great date – but I thought I actually found him (an American army guy). He told me that spending the night with me on our date was the best night he’s had in a really long time. We kissed goodnight- and he texted me that night and the all throughout the next day. We made possible plans for the next day (yesterday) and when I tried to confirm if they were still on in the morning- nothing. No text back or anything. I even texted again a couple hours later- of course nothing.

    I go through the possible excuses- lost his phone, magically didnt get two texts, got lost on the Korean subway and is stranded somewhere- but most likely: he’s just not that into me. It’s now day 2 of not texting (I know, I have to relax, but whyyy ignore me?)

    now, is there an appropriate time to ask what happened/why he went MIA? or just let it go ugh. as girls, why do we have such a tough time letting these Svens go??

    • Lingre25 May 30, 2012 at 7:09 pm #

      I agree. Why can’t men just be straight and say: “I had a fantastic time but I’m not going to call you later. Cheers and thanks for the entertainment.”
      That way we don’t have to sit and wonder if they were hit by a volvo or fell in a well. We get the rap there and then and we can move on.

  34. Donna January 2, 2012 at 8:39 pm #

    I just saw this blog a couple of days ago and reading it has made me feel somewhat better. I met this guy online right after my breakup from a 3 yr relationship. The online guy was really sweet and understanding with my situation and he said he liked my personality. He also was checking in on me seeing if i was datable since i just recently broke up.i told him i was since i was expecting the break up months before. He called me every day since he found me online and then we met when he got back into town. i told him that if he didnt like me in person, we didnt have to go on a second date and he said that my personality is awesome so why wouldnt he? well, when he met me in person, he kept on telling me how perfect and beautiful i was, more pretty than my picture and he kept on kissing my forehead and playing with my hair. Everything just seemed so perfect. We even had sex, which was something i said i wasnt planning… he said he wasnt planning it either… but i mean who knows. Anyways, my friends all told me that was the end of it, he gotten what he wanted. But then the surprise came when he called me the next day asking me to spend some time with him. I was so excited but i had plans so he said he’d call me later on that night after he finished his plans. He ended up calling me at 2am and because he had phone problems, he called me over a dozen times trying to connect with me. He begged me to sleep over which i eventually caved in. In the morning i left and its been almost 4 days since hes contact me. Ive left him two voicemails asking to hang out and ive emailed him. no response back. i feel all crazy like i need him so bad. i thought we ended things on a good note and he said he’d call. Should i just wait it out?

    • Lingre25 May 30, 2012 at 7:13 pm #

      Read: Act like a lady, think like a man. By Steve Harvey.

  35. Suzanne January 3, 2012 at 3:07 pm #

    Just so you know, girls..the games never stop. Hell, I’m a divorced, fun, attractive 49 year old woman. Been seeing this man for about a month…says he wants to take me away for the weekend, blah, blah, blah…haven’t heard from him since 12/30 and that was because he responded to my text. No, “Happy New Year!”..no, nothing…I so want to text him, but because of reading these messages, I will not! C’est la vie…he’s not worth my time or effort. For the record, have two other men who are pursuing me…why then am I so fixated on this man NOT getting back to me? Because I LOVE the chase, too…and when a guy is too into me..I think he’s probably a loser…jeez…I have got to change my rationale and behavior. Best of luck to all.
    Love, Suzanne

  36. Sheila January 4, 2012 at 9:38 am #

    I have been single for a while now (8years)and I’m 25 so you do the math.I have been on more dates than anyone I have known all combined. The past 8 years the situation has been I have liked them and they didn’t like me or they like me and I don’t like them. It has been a very frustrating roller coaster. I recently met this guy who I had an amazing connection with, if it’s possible to fall in love with someone after 2 days than that is what happened. Our first date we hung out about 8 or 9 hours and then we hung out the next day as well for even longer. I haven’t heard from him since then (3 days ago), he seemed super into me and he was kissing me a lot and making sweet gestures the whole time, opening my door, rubbing my leg, pulling out my chair, holding my hand. Why on earth would he lead me on like that if he wasn’t into me? I sent him one text message, kind of a inside joke and no response. What the heck?!?!? And we met online by the way.

    • Sheila January 5, 2012 at 8:44 am #

      I just finished reading all the posts on here and I have to say it is pretty hilarious how all the stories sound the exact same. It does however, suck that girls just have so many emotional connections and obssess over details for hours on end and guys just seem like they can move on so fast if they are in the same situation. Dam girl emotions! What helps me is to keep in mind no matter how many qualities a man may have on your checklist, even if he seems like the most perfect man for you. The man that doesn’t call you back is lacking the #1 quality, to love you for you.There is nothing you did wrong, it’s simply just not meant to be. Girls stay positive, be able to love your life as it is with or without a guy. You will attract someone who wants to live in a life you love. Who would want to live in a someon’s depressed sad world…no one! Divorce rate is 50% and if that man does not love and respect you from day one there is someone who will : )Once you find that perfect person you will realize why it never worked out with anyone else.

  37. Confused January 5, 2012 at 6:16 pm #

    I need some advice ! I’m 17 an at the beginning of the school year I had a close eye on this guy at my school i thought he was super hot and kinda mysterious in a way which is why I was so attracted to him! For atleast two months all we did was check eachother out at school my friends even noticed he would stare hard. One night I saw him at a party I was pretty drunk and i ended up getting his number from one of my friends who worked with him we started texting and he was saying how he has wanted my number for a while. So our texting began and he would text me first alot of the time and we would flirt and get to know eachother a little more so at the end of November, I found out he was also texting one of my bestfriends who I was on the verge of dis friending her anyways. Once I found that out I told him I’m backing off if he is texting her so I did and they ended up hooking up , but he then relized how sketchy she was and stopped talking to her , so around the beginning of December we came across eachother in person and a short conversation he text me right after and that’s about when we started talking again , we began talkin at school alittle more so then the Christmas holidays came and he was texting me most everday ! About two days before new years he stopped texting and then all of a sudden new years eve day he text me and asked which party I was going to I told him Nd he was excited becouse he was going to th same one ! Then that night he never showed up so the next morning he text me and asked how the party was I was pretty short with Him and didn’t really ask him why he never went . Later that night I went to a party and there he was instead of coming up to me in person he text me a smiley face I didn’t text him back until i saw him leave the pArty he then later asked me to sneak out and go meet him to talk i didn’t and then next morning I woke up to a text from him asking what I was doing during the day and I said nothing so he asked me to hang out I was a little nervous becouse we didn’t talk in person much soon thought it would be awkward , but when he got to my house it wasn’t! He isn’t shy at all we had an amazing night ! We kIssed alOt and he seemed reallly into me !! This happened on Monday night and he still has not texted me !!! I text him the day after and we had the shortest conversation ever ! And he ended up not replying ! I’m going crazy I’m really into this guy !! What should I do !?

  38. Divia January 12, 2012 at 6:44 pm #

    Hi there…

    You have almost given all possible reasons that I could think of as well… now maybe listening to my story will help…

    We were from the same hometown.. travelled to a foriegn country for work which is when we first met… we were team mates there… working hard on a project under high pressures and escalations from client… ofcourse we ghad great syc… enjoyed each others company so much that couldn’t possibly live without…. and then all of a sudden we kissed.. godamn.. I said something stupid like ‘we will try a kiss?’ and we really did.. and it was magical… and then we fell for each other…

    Despite all the busy schedules, we spent together as much time as possible… Life was tough but good… We were together for a month and half.. and then we have returned to our hometown… and everything ended… still puzzled on what did I do wrongly?


    • Anne Marie January 13, 2012 at 11:53 pm #

      You didnt do anything wrong Diva,it just wasnt meant to be. I met up with a guy (that I worked with 10 years ago) recently after a reunion and we had a great time over the last month and first couple of dates he was so into me. Now he just texting general chit chat, and his excuse is that his head is a bit messed up at the moment! Think about it if you really into someone there are no excuses. At first I thought I had done something wrong. Now I have realised he is the one with the problem not me. Some men are afraid of strong independent woman. There is someone out there who is right for you. Remember you might have to date some frogs before you find your prince!!

  39. Anne Marie January 13, 2012 at 11:42 pm #

    Great website, I thought the game ended after our teenagers years! Now I now this is not true no matter what age you are the dating game is hard. However, I’m an optimist and I still believe that people are sent into your life for a reason. We cant always work out at the time what that reason was and why they did’nt call, but eventually when someone one who appreciates you and wants to be with your for who you are comes along (and they will)then you will be thankful that there was something better just around the corner!

  40. Lilly January 21, 2012 at 4:32 pm #

    Love this site.. Very helpful. I haven’t been single for 15 years and just started dating again. I hate it. I have no clue. I started dating this really sweet and good looking guy straight after my break up and things were going great.. I really thought that this was is.. This is what I have wanted all along . But he was busy with his kids(single dad) and didn’t have a huge amount of time to spend with me which I totally understood. Anyway, I went away for a few weeks and he seemed so happy to see me when I got back. I have only seen him once since and I haven’t heard from him for two weeks.. Is he really THAT busy?? It’s very confusing . Do I call him or just let it go? It is killing me not to call him but part of me thinks if he really cared he would just call me. He was very persistent and intense in the beginning but now… Nothing :(

  41. gigi January 25, 2012 at 10:04 am #

    Reading this because I am in the same predicament. I was pursued by said guy for nearly 3 years. But because I was involved with and on again off again relationship with someone else I always ignored or blew off this guy. Finally a month and a half ago I agree to meet him for dinner. We hit it off really well. We both have crazy schedules and bust lives but he texted me enough to make 4 other dates, Last date was a week and a half ago. My last text to him was 5 days ago asking if he wanted to meet up over the weekend, that i was just checking to arrange my weekend plans. He said he had plans to go ahead with mine. That was the last I heard. Now I am debating whether or not I should contact him. I have deleted his number from my phone so I would not be able to text him without lots of consideration. Ugh so frustrating. I thought by the time I was in my 40s these games would end.

  42. Jordan January 28, 2012 at 5:29 pm #

    You hopeless old wenches will never find a good, caring, real, smart, charming, sturdy, timeless man until you stop thinking we are all the same. Whatever guys you have met must all be fucking losers because the way you hunt for them is outdated and ridiculous then you do even more ridiculous things you read form cosmo, or if you’re better than that, then it has something to do with something you heard about psychology.

    stop being so stubborn and treat me like a goddam person, not some typical guy or mold you think I will fit. Feel me out. Get to know me. You act even more fake and stupid, because you think this is a game and treat it in such a manner. We are all people more or less. Let me know that you see me for who I am and I will have the hardest time not thinking about you.’

    oh and I really like shiny things.

  43. Claire February 6, 2012 at 4:28 pm #

    well my situation i’m trying to give the guy the benefit of the doubt but i dunno. i don’t want to stereotype him into one particular role. so i met this guy in october on match. he did all the pursing. emailed me. asked for my number. asked me on dates. planned the dates. i didn’t put on any fake attitude, was genuine, very receptive, showed appreciation, etc. we hung out literally for hours on each date. didn’t kiss til 3rd date. total gentleman. we ended up sleeping together towards the end of our time together, i’d spend the nite, he wld cuddle w/ me all nite be very sweet. anyway, he was never really a phone or texting guy…we’d touch base during the week send a couple texts but that’s it. we were only together six weeks. weren’t seeing anyone else though and both even though we had active profiles still did not go on after we started sleeping together. anyway, i got the vibe he was VERY into me. and i am usually pretty good w/ feeling a guy out w/ that. last date we had he was stressed said he had busy week (he has two jobs)…and he’s going through nasty divorce w/ ex regarding custody esp…he really misses his kids and she moved out of state. it consumes him, rightfully so. anyway, that week i didn’t hear from him except once when i texted a “hey” message. and then a few more days went by after that and i made a mistake ugh of calling him and leaving him a message saying that was unacceptable. i think i got scared cuz i cld tell i fell for him and i don’t do that often. anyway, we didn’t talk for two more weeks then outta the blue he contacted me. saying he was so sorry that i was wonderful that he had feelings for me but was so upset and stressed over his life at the moment and needed to focus on custody issues w/ his kids. i said i understood and left it at that. figured ok he’s breaking it off nicely…better than blowing me off i guess. but then he goes on to say that he’d like to keep seeing me that i was great that he just needed to get custody stuff taken care of first. and that he would call me when it was set up w/ the kids and he got that behind him and he wld understand if i never picked up. anyway, guys i told this too said no guy would go on and on after the fact about wanting to see me and saying he wld call me when it was done if it wasn’t legit. that i didn’t put him on spot or anything and that was even more reason to think he was sincere…esp. since we were basically done and he contacted me outta the blue to tell me all this. so is this a case where i just have to wait it out? i mean i know i shld still go on dates cuz he may never come back but i really miss him. i do go on dates but i wish i was with him. i miss him so much. i haven’t contacted him since he told me all that except once when i just said i hoped he was doing ok…it wasn’t a fake line by me to get him to call…i legit was hoping he was ok since it was around the holidays and he didn’t have his kids w/ him. but i never got anything back (though didn’t expect to). ugh. i dunno…any advice?

  44. Joanne February 6, 2012 at 7:30 pm #

    Hi, I came across this blog while searching, why hasnt he called me after two dates?

    I met a guy who said the most wonderful things to me. We met twice and got along so very well and both agreed we wanted to meet again and had arranged another date.

    The texts were constant and intense but leading up to the next date, I havent heard a thing from him. It las led me believing there isnt a nice guy out there anymore and rather deflated. Has anyone else been through this?

    I had to delete his number so I wasnt tempted to cotact him anymore

  45. Yazmin February 9, 2012 at 9:07 pm #

    I randomly met a very nice and polite man. We danced all night and joked around for hours. He even met my brother and cousins, who were there. It felt like we had known each other forever, and he even mentioned it himself. He asked me if I wanted to stay with him since he and his friends had reserved a room but I politely said no. Anyway, we continued to have a great time and at the end of the night, he asked me for my number. He looked straight into my eyes and told me that he was really glad he asked me to dance. We then parted ways.

    The next day was the superbowl, and he texted me. After a couple text messages he stopped responding.

    The next morning at 8 am, he texted me again. We texted back and forth the whole day and even said goodnight. We talked about the night we met, and how he wished we had talked longer. He kept mentioning a “next time” and told me that he was so glad he met me, various times. It seemed obvious that he was intersted in me and I went along with it, playing it cool.

    The next day, he texted me again and asked me a question. I responded and nothing. It has been 2 1/2 days since I have heard from him and I am not sure how to feel.

    I feel silly for even giving it much thought, but I just don’t understand. Is he trying to play it cool and not come on too strong? Is he trying to play games? Did he lose interest so easily? Or is he just too busy?

    I don’t understand how busy you can be for a simple text message. I can’t help but think that if a man is really interested, than he wouldn’t making more of an effort to talk to me. I hate that he even texts..why don’t just pick up the phone? It seems cowardly, yet it is the norm nowdays? I don’t know. I am 27 and he is 25 to make it worse. I have never tried to date a younger man, and this is turning me off. I am a very simple, non-complex woman and do not like games. Should I move on or text him one quick text..as my own attempt?

    One try or give up now is the question?

  46. Amy February 10, 2012 at 4:48 am #

    Thank you Jordan for reminding everyone that there is no one way to approach a guy because ALL dudes are different just like all girls are different. If you want to know why he hasnt called then be like, Dude whats up?! Be honest, eventually they will figure out who you are so playing games is just going to draw something out that wasnt meant to be or stop something that could have been right! BE YOURSELF and quit stereotyping because no one can tell you whats right or wrong in this situation. Everyone is different so what is right for one dude might be wrong for the other. AND remember there are plenty of fish in the sea so keep fishing and you’ll catch a good one someday;)

  47. WonderingGal February 17, 2012 at 11:13 pm #

    Enjoyed reading all your stories. However, mine doesn’t seem to come up as similar to any of yours. I met this dude on a Sat night, he called on the Monday and left a message saying he would call me the next day. It has been 4 days and haven’t heard a peep. I have absolutely no clue what happened….this has never happened to me before. We have a four year age difference (he’s younger) so perhaps he feels the need to illustrate to me that he’s got his own life blah blah….. But really, it’s giving me the impression that in fact, it just wasn’t meant to be and making a girl “wait” or w/e is just RUDE – plain and simple. Girls, you don’t want to lower yourself by being the chaser…it sets a very clear precedent that you really do not want to set up for your self. Anyway, such an event is quite unfortunate but I’m a strong believer that everything happens for a reason and is part of a bigger plan!

  48. Moonbeam February 26, 2012 at 11:39 am #

    Great forum indeed!
    I feel as though just today I have allowed myself to accept the fact that this last man I met and connected with, in fact will not “be in touch soon” as he stated in his last text message.
    It’s so sad for me to accept because it was such a beautiful connection and happened so naturally. So much energy and chemistry between us (yet there was no sex – only very intimate moments like bathing outdoors under the full moon and sleeping nude next to one another) We openly communicated that we liked one another.
    There is an ex girlfriend lingering around so I am guessing he is simply not available emotionally and that I just need to let it go. I want to call, i want to text and invite him playfully and lightheartedly on an adventure…but surely, if he was into me AND ready…he would let me know…wouldn’t he?
    I understand that men and women are just wired differently. GUYS….there are so many women out there that just want to be open and honest with you and NOT play games. Seems so simple to us, yet it just doesn’t work that way does it? I want to remain truthful to who i really am, but i feel like if i am ever going to have some lasting companionship, i need to change and play hard to get just so as to satisfy the man’s ego. Can’t you chase me once we are together? Chase me around the bedroom! Chase me in the forest! It’s so disheartening mostly because it only just happened. The last text I received was over a week ago stating that he “loved my message and that it sounded so inviting and that he was in an odd head space and would be in touch soon when his equilibrium returned.” I believe he is dealing with the ex and trying to break up?! I responded a day later saying that “I looked forward to seeing him…when i see him.” A week later and no response so I deleted his messages and his number from my phone today – just so i’m not tempted to message him. He knows how to contact me and i feel like i made it clear that i am very interested. I’m afraid that if i let it go – he will forget about me – but if a man forgets about a beautiful connection then perhaps it just wasnt as beautiful as i thought it was? sigh…sad and confused but I know im a catch so ready to move on slowly. Good luck with the game everyone…i sure need luck cuz i am really bad at playing it!

    • Cathy March 19, 2012 at 1:17 am #

      The way to do it is this: even tho you like him, dont want to lose him. But, you have to tell the guy straight up like this. Act as though you are turned off by his baggage with his ex gf. Tell him even tho you like him, you feel less willing to get involved until he dealt with his ex gf issue completely clean. Pull back from the whole situation, live your independent life. Thats how my gf dealt with it. You have no idea how turned on the guy got once he sensed the message, and he wants to be done with the ex gf faster – without you pressuring him or pushing him or telling him what to do. Guys are odd like that – the minute you are leaving, they want to hang on to you. If you go crazy on him, demand him to be done with his ex and be with you, all of a sudden, his interest deflates faster than his dick. will ran away from you. Is it really a game? Im not sure. The question is, do you really want a man, or want whats best for you? The honest truth is, for your own good, despite the beautiful connection you felt, Getting involved with a guy with ex gf issue is creating so much issue for your own life, do you really want than? So speak the honey truth to yourself and to him.

  49. Laura March 4, 2012 at 2:03 am #

    So I met this guy from out of town. We talked back and forth and he seemed really interested. He works in my city on a huge contract his company has. Anyway, we set up a date. Earlier that day he text me and said how excited he was etc.. A couple of hours before he cancelled, he said his boss came into town unexpectedly and asked if he could reschedule. I said ok, things happen. We schedule two days later. Again, a couple of hours before our date he said he had a family emergency and had to drive home. That he would explain it to me when we got together next week. We were talking everyday, now I haven’t heard from him at all. Is he just a flake? I mean really what are the odds of him having two cancelation issues in the same week? Why did he even ask me out if he was going to flake out? Any feedback would be great!

  50. Grace March 8, 2012 at 7:16 am #

    Wow, what an awesome blog! Like some of the posters on here, I found this after I was searching about how long to wait for a guy to contact you.
    I went out for a birthday party and one of my sister’s classmates asked for my number at the end of the night. I gave it to him, but was really tired and a bit tipsy (I only had 3 drinks) so I sent him a text saying that I realized I had never given him my number and this was so and so. Then I realized what I did and said oops. He replied with, Haha, I have it. I’ll contact you soon, goodnight.
    Anyways, haven’t heard from him and it’s been 4 days now, but I will NOT text him. Thanks for creating this blog and for all the ladies and gentlemen here giving their opinions!

  51. amb March 10, 2012 at 8:33 pm #

    How about this scenario. We met thru online dating, he pursued me online and we went out. He texted me that night he had a great time and wanted to go out again. I texted him back saying thank you and would love to go out. He texted me the next day for my email. About 3 days later emailed me about my schedule for the next 2 weeks. I am a single mother of 3 kids so my schedule consisted of about 3 free days over that time period (he has kids too). Since I emailed my schedule, I’ve heard nothing. That was a week and a half ago. Clearly something turned him off…the lack of availability or of course the possibility of another, more flexible date? And he also requested me as a friend on facebook and I accepted. I have not contacted him at all other than responding to his emails or texts but am tempted to now. But like many posts have pointed out, I don’t want to sound needy, and also don’t really want to ask (even in a funny way) why he hasn’t contacted me. Is there a way to do this???

  52. Cathy March 18, 2012 at 6:48 pm #

    In the same situation multiple times. In the past, I have always contacted the guy after two weeks not hearing from him. Making excuses : he’s busy, he’s travelling, etc, etc. That has NEVER worked out well. This time I decided to do something different that I never tried before.

    It worked. After 3 weeks ( enduring multiple thought bubble/ urges back and forth wanting to contact him), he contacted me!

    Here’s my thought: Bottom line – if a guy stopped contacting you, you contacting him wont make him want you more. And, if I contact him only to find out he doesn’t want me, why would I want that experience and his sayisfaction that I wanted him? At least I want to keep my dignity.

    If a guy is interested, he will initiate, simple as that. Don’t make it easy for them. The harder you are to get, the more he’ll cherish you, the better he’ll treat you, the more he will feel special being able to spend a minute with you. The more he’ll want you. Stay strong, and hold our own.

    • Week 2 March 25, 2012 at 12:16 am #

      @Cathy: Im on week 2 of silence and it’s killing me inside. I only went on two dates with him and I know there is a mutual attraction, but dont understand how/why he dropped off the face of the earth. I’ve always chased the guy in the past and contacted the boys whenever I didnt hear from them, so this is my first time holding out as well. I hope something good comes out of this! But at the same time, he better hope someone else doesnt sweep me off my feet ;)

      Thanks @CaliBradshaw for the blog!

  53. Suz March 25, 2012 at 7:43 pm #

    Whew! Thank you all. I needed this boost to keep my fingers off of the QWERTY keyboard. Day 10, with little hope, but some dignity remaining…

  54. Jenny April 29, 2012 at 7:32 pm #

    I would love to hear back, with results from people!! If anything works.

    The thing is, they are soo much easier to speak with in person than hiding behind text or phone. But if they are freaking out for some reason, they won’t see you in person.

    I have been doing the same thing. Two dates – first night was the meeting and back to his place, second date two weeks later, met him with all his friends, they all knew me bc he had shown them my pic, they all were warm and friendly with me. He bent over backwards with me, to do things, get things for me, made me tea in the morning – insisted I sit and let him serve me. Sooo sweet!!! HE works two jobs during the week and sat. Close with his family and friends and is 35 been single for like 10 years. Dated, then single he says. I am older, but I always date younger men, so not unusual for me at least.

    On second date after two weeks apart, he said, it was too long, he wants to see me every weekend, just me and him, no one else, explained why he doesn’t text a lot – because he gets busy….. he doesn’t have a computer or fancy phone, just a simple hard working guy. Invited me to watch soccer game – but wasn’t clear on where it was so I didn’t pursue that with him – but would’ve gone. He hugged me when I left and said lets do this again.

    I’ve texted a couple of times, he responded once but no date on Saturday night!!!

    What’s up with the hot and cold? My son says, don’t text, guys have gigantic egos, they are waiting for you to feed it by texting them. The good looking ones get enough attention, they don’t need to text you—-but if you wait long enough, they will wonder what gives and text you — so if you really felt that connection, he did too and you will break him… lol ….yup its a great big game and I hate it, but reverse the role and I freak out too with guys who like me too much – Im like, why?

    • Suz April 30, 2012 at 4:05 pm #

      Hey Jenny.

      I feel for you. I’m not sure they “always” text back if you leave it though. My good-looking (actually smoking hot) guy has not texted back since I made my comment above yours. I moved on, and joined a different dating site. Found a man who is stunning in every way, including paying attention to me via text, calls, and putting in the effort and time to come and see me. I found myself not even thinking about when or what to text him. Refreshing to just have a real relationship with someone who is ready for it without the games or the stress you go through wondering wtf they are doing/thinking/wanting.

      If you like this guy, wait it out and see if he steps up and treats you well by staying in contact. If he doesn’t, move on. It was difficult for me to let go of my hottie, but my new guy is worth a hundred of the previous guy. Know why? Because he treats me like a princess all the time. If there’s so much stress as you try to begin a relationship, what will it be later when you are actually really comfortable with each other? None of us should have to beg to be noticed. Either they want to spend time with us, or they don’t.

      I’m so glad I kept looking for the right one. I wish you luck in finding your Mister Wonderful too.

      • Lor May 25, 2012 at 1:50 pm #

        Your comment gives me hope that there are many men out there who are mature enough to handle a real connection with someone. It makes me confident in my own decision to move forward with my life. My sister’s husband is this way and I always say, if he exists for her, there must be more of them out there, they just get lost among all the duds. :)

  55. Michelle May 1, 2012 at 1:10 am #

    Thoroughly enjoyed reading the posts here! So here’s my dilemma.

    Met a guy Saturday night, we spent hours dancing, talking, drinking and making out. We went on a walk about 4am as he wanted to show me a great view of the CBD. We ended up on the wrong street and didn’t get to see it. But it was a nice idea! He was a gentleman and gave me his coat to wear. I told him I wouldn’t go home with him having just met him (my flatmate had already gone home with his colleague!) and he seemed fine with it. We lived in opposite directions, but he took me home in the taxi, then turned round and went back to his place. Wouldn’t accept any money towards the taxi. Not many guys would do that!

    We agreed to go on a date Thursday, as that was my only night free this week. I gave him my number, but didn’t get his. I’ve not heard from him. I know it’s only been two days…but I didn’t think he was the type to play games.

    So here is my dilemma. I’ve been known to get my own number wrong sometimes, as it’s new, and it has a lot of 5s and 4s in it. I was also really drunk when I typed it into his phone. Maybe I got it wrong, he has sent a text and wondered why I haven’t replied… Or maybe he has just had a change of heart…maybe, in spite of appearing like such a gentleman, he really was just hoping to get laid? Oh I also told him I might be leaving the country in a few months…probably shouldn’t have mentioned that so soon!

    My flatmate has his colleagues number so she can always ask him for my guy’s number…or should she fish for some info, even though that will get back to him??

  56. Cherie May 23, 2012 at 5:17 pm #

    This is the blog I’ve been looking for.

    So my story has pretty much already been told too many times in the blog unfortunately. Its comforting yet upsetting to know that I’m not alone in this “no call back” saga. What really upsets me is the emotional high and lows I go through whenever this happens. On one hand I can be that very strong woman and say that he’s shown me is true colors early on so move on. Then it’s the “here we go again” syndrome and me blaming myself for opening up, believing, sleeping with him, not knowing better.

    At 42yrs I’m really passed all these games, but it seems like there is no way around it. Now my guy was no prize cow and he was not on my level, but I did like him. I enjoyed spending time with him, and conversing. The attention felt good and that’s what I miss most.

    So how do you stop yourself from not falling into the same depressed trap when he stops calling? I do all the right things, keep busy, I’ve kept my profile online open and still communicate with other men. But those old feelings from exes passed always come back.

  57. Lor May 25, 2012 at 1:37 pm #

    This blog is awesome! I am in a similar situation. It’s nice to be the fairer sex more in touch with our emotions.

    After a horrible 3 year relationship and a lot of dud dating, I took a break for two years to build a happy single life.

    Over the past few months, I had been dipping my toes in the dating pool slowly. Well, he hit me like a ton of bricks one night. The whole shebang: birds singing, the clouds parting, yada yada yada. I have not felt this strong of an attraction/connection to someone and wasn’t sure I ever would again. We spent a blissful month of about ten dates, constant texting, and his insistence he was looking for a relationship, preferably with me. I said we should let it develop naturally.

    He was coming on strong wanting to see me almost every day. I am not willing to toss my life aside for a whirlwind romance. I hate when men expect that when I would never ask/expect that of a man. IMO, true, genuine relationships have to start as friendships with romance. So, I did fit him in to my available free time.

    He was texting me daily all month, including up to Wed. and we made plans to meet on Monday. Well, fast-forward and it has been radio silence for two days. I sent him a good morning text (as he usually does to me) and nothing since. Everyone is trying to tell me I don’t have enough info to say its over but I trust my gut above anything. I can’t believe texting daily and then suddenly no response is not a clear sign. To me, silence is the biggest message. I hate the disappearing act, especially when you can be lame and text that you don’t want to see me again. As cowardly as that would be, it is at least a little better than radio silence. Radio silence says I’m not even worth a text anymore and to me its so selfish.

    I refuse to play games. I’d rather be single. We overthinking women are supposed to watch everything we do or say but men can just ignore our feelings and do whatever they want because their men! What a bunch of hooey. I’m not playing hard-to-get or worrying about contacting a guy or not calling him out on his mixed signals. My busy life and non-clingyness is a clear enough sign that I am not “that girl” that they’re so scared of. If a man isn’t mature enough to see that, I don’t have time for him.

    So glad I didn’t toss my life aside because I have so many fun plans this weekend with people who want to be a part of my life. I know by Monday, I’ll be over it, that’s the benefit of surviving a horrible relationship. It can never be as bad as that :)

  58. Lor May 25, 2012 at 1:43 pm #

    Oh, forgot to add the funniest part. When I first met him, he was whining about how women are hypocrits and say they want a nice guy but then they reject him. LOL, get a grip dude.

    Here is a woman who has it altogether and was willing to embrace the nice guy and he slaps me in the face. I don’t feel that way because he changed his mind about me. It’s dating, people come together and fall apart. It’s the fact he couldn’t even end it in a nice, classy way. So much for being a “nice” guy. Give me a break!

  59. Maria June 29, 2012 at 2:15 pm #

    Oh wow, its amazing to find how girls go on the same situation im right now, read all the messages coz i dont know if i need to text this guy, met him online went out 4x and we had an amazing time together, he said hes not seeing someone and asked if i do! I said i only date 1 guy at a time, my subscription expired already and the last time i saw his profile was deleted too. But i dont know whats the deal, he hasnt reached out to me for a week which seemed so odd, i know we are both busy at work but a hi hello text never happend lately, i am about to text him to say whats up? But im contemplating, maybe he found someone or not really into me… But why will he lead me on :-( we are not young were on our early 30s. Its bothering me and part of me says i have to move on but part of me says, havent met anyone i really connect with with all te dates ive been too. I just wanna vent!!!

    Have a good one everyone and thanks to the blogger, makes me feel a lil better now.


    • Maria July 2, 2012 at 6:40 pm #

      So i have an update, i decided to sent him a quick text since we had a big storm friday, sent him – – what happened to you? Did you get strucked by lightning? He responded right away so we exhange couple text and i just said enjoy the rest of your day. So now i clearly know that the ball is in his court. Whatever it is, its all up to him. Its just suck when they keep leading you on but guess we should not really fall right away even if they said theyre not dating someone coz guys change their mind as quickly as we woman does, its reality!!

  60. Emma July 10, 2012 at 10:32 am #


    I’m not sure how old this blog is but i came across it when i googled ‘should i call’.

    I’m the type of girl who NEVER chases. EVER. But with my situation, I am so tempted.

    I’ve known this lad since i was 17 (I’m 27 now, he’s 28). We lost touch for years but about 3 weeks ago, he added me on facebook. He messaged me and asked for my number and we started txting. He was txting me all day, every day and calling most night. We met the first week and had a great time. There was no kisses or anything though. I never make a first move. We continued to speak daily and met again the following Thursday. I went to his house this time. We walked his dogs together, met his sister and we watched dvds all night. I was there from 8pm to about 2am. Again no kisses, but he did the old hand holding and touching my hair and things. He may be shy? He really opened up though about his family and past and was really honest. I had such a great night.

    He txted me when i got home and then txted all the next day until 8.30pm that night and that was Friday and we are now on Tuesday and I’ve heard nothing?

    I know (from facebook) he was with a female friend Friday night but his male mate was there too and she is just a friend but it doesn’t explain why he hasn’t been in touch when he was always txting me daily and he always txted first?

    I’m left thinking should i just leave it now or send a random txt? He never tried to kiss me which makes me think maybe he didn’t like me but why open up and tell me he had a great time with me the next day?

    It’s driving me mad all this over thinking!

    • Maria July 11, 2012 at 3:22 pm #

      I felt your pain, but i will say wait till he contacts you, its too early to tell its only been 4 days.

  61. Emma July 16, 2012 at 8:04 am #

    I left it 9 days, texted. Got a few polite friendly txts then he never replied! I know it was nothing i done wrong. I’m obviously just not for him or he had a better offer. I have another date with a new guy in 3 days time so hopefully I’ll have a little bit more luck with this one! x

    • Maria July 16, 2012 at 12:40 pm #

      Yeah it might be it, he only knows that, i received a text from that guy i dated last thursday, he said he wanna see me next week or that day, i said im busy and had plans, he even said i apologize been MIA lately, so i told him i understand he has his thing going on and hes prolly interested! And he said not that at all!! I hust said im just saying and didnt ask anything so the ball is clearly in his court, hes out of town since friday and i know he said he will be back sunday from business trip and never heard anything! I guess im leaving it like that and start opening other options, its hard but im trying and i know you are doing great since you will be dating a new guy in 3 days, must be nice.. Best wishes ;-)

  62. Leigh August 7, 2012 at 3:38 am #

    omg. I am so glad I stumbled on this blog. This is an almost identical scenario to mine! I met a guy at a bar on a Friday – he asked for my number and called me the next day to invite me out the following Thursday (so this past Thursday). We had a great time talking over drinks (so much so that the waiter actually joked with us saying “this looks like a really good first date!”) An hour after I got home I got a text saying that he had a good time. When I responded the next morning he wrote back saying he wanted to see a movie soon. I know he left that day for an out of town wedding and I haven’t heard from him since… I’m getting antsy because I hate the waiting game and I can’t stand not knowing whether or not he’s going to call!!

    • Sharrike October 17, 2012 at 4:59 am #

      Super blog
      I met a great guy at a bar on Friday and we gave into the chemistry really quickly;were both busy professionals but ive done most of the calling; he responds but he hasn’t initiating communication.
      I want to believe he hasn’t called because hes tired,we both work long hours and today he had a big event today. I’m still not going to call him if he doesn’t call I will cut my loses.

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