I was recently talking to a good friend of mine who is in a relationship that probably isn’t going to work. She has tried everything, literally, to help this guy with his issues. But no matter how amazing she has been, he always wants/needs more from her. As her friend, I absolutely hate seeing her like this because I think she is amazing and deserves a guy who has at least an inkling of how lucky he is. But I also understand that it isn’t that simple to just walk away.
As we talked, she was telling me about how she just wasn’t sure she was ready to be single again, and it got me thinking. I too have been in that place before. I know what it is like to dread breaking up with someone because it means starting over and going back to being the oh-so-awful single.
But lately, I’ve been seeing single in a whole different light and you know what I realized? Being single doesn’t suck.
I know, I am probably sealing my fate as a perma-single woman just by typing that, but the truth of the matter is that being single just isn’t that bad. Society has us believing that being in a relationship is the ultimate measure of success. You can have an awesome career, great friends, plenty of hobbies and goals, and still, you are left feeling like a failure because you haven’t met your special someone yet. And I am certainly no exception to that. There have been plenty of times in my life where I’ve been actively seeking that special someone. Whether it was through Match.com, or by going out to the bars, I have dedicated time, effort, and even money to a fruitless pursuit.
So last month, after the end of me and Mr. Cute but Whiny, I decided to say, “Fuck it.” I am officially no longer looking for a man. In fact, I am no longer dating – period. (Kinda a shitty time to start a dating blog, but whatever…) For the first time in who the hell knows how long, I decided to put all of my effort into me. And you know what? I am the happiest I have been in, well, maybe ever.
So for those of you hating on “single,” here are all the reasons single doesn’t suck.
1. You will have time – And lots of it. The last time I was single I was so bored that I got myself a big ole promotion. This time, I invested my time in running. I’ve wanted to run a half marathon and as I crossed that finish line last weekend, I couldn’t have felt better about myself.
2. You will have more money for things you want to spend money on – Being in a relationship is all about compromising. I get that. But that also means you end up spending a lot of money on things you wouldn’t have otherwise. Now you can use that money to buy every shirt Urban Outfitters has in stock. No? Just me?
3. You will get skinnier – Someone must have done a study on this by now, but if not, I am here to tell you that it is a fact that dating someone makes you chubbier. You tend to eat a lot when you are in a relationship. Couple that with the fact that you are much less concerned about what you look like because you are feeling all secure, and you’ll see yourself packing on the LBs over time. Once you ditch the weekly Buenos Dias burritos, you’ll be shocked at just how quickly you are back in your skinny jeans.
4. You can get butterflies – It’s really freaking hard to get that butterflies, nervous/excitement feeling when you are in a committed relationship. (You get a lot of other good feelings, but that’s not what this post is about.) When you are single, you can have this feeling all the time. Anytime you meet a guy, there is possibility there, and that hope is downright exhilarating. In fact, there’s nothing quite like it.
5. You can make out with hot/dumb people – So they aren’t relationship material? So what? They are pretty. You are single. What more do you need to know?
6. You have more time for your friends – There’s probably a reason you are friends with these people and it is inevitable that you have been neglecting them while you were in relationship land. Don’t worry, they still love you.
7. Your life will be more organized – This is really a by-product of having more time, but being single just makes life easy. Priorities are clear and you are never torn between cleaning your room and watching your boyfriend attempt to eat the Broken Yolk Challenge.
8. You’ll never be crying over a guy/girl – When you are cool with being alone, all the drama that comes with dating is gone. After you make it through break-up hell, you’ll find being single gives you a lot more emotional stability. Sure there are chances to have your ego hurt, but it’s not the same as the kind of pain you feel when someone you love is disappointing you.
9. You don’t have to justify your actions to anyone – When you are no longer an “us,” your choices only affect you. That knowledge is really amazingly freeing. You don’t owe anyone anything and you can actually take a little time to be selfish.
10. You’ll be ready to meet the actual right person for you – You are never going to meet that person if you are stuck in another shitty relationship. So get out so Mr. Perfect has a chance to find you.
For all the above reasons, I stand by what I originally said – being single just doesn’t suck. Now, do I intend to have this dating freeze go on for forever? I freaking hope not. But for the time being, I’ve decided there are enough good reasons to be single and that I’d rather be by myself than be with someone who isn’t right. So if you are on the fence, or currently hating singledom, perhaps i’ts time for a new perspective. You may surprise yourself with just how happy you can be.