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I Couldn’t Stay Away….

6 Sep

By Cali

I don’t know who I thought I was kidding when I thought I could give up blogging. It all sounded so easy in my mind… I’ll move to NY and I’ll just be so busy actually dating that I won’t ever feel the need to talk about dating again. Ha, how wrong I was! You know what is really hard for an ex-dating blogger? Having a ton of awesome/ridiculous/funny dating stories and nowhere to write about them. It’s downright depressing. There have been so many things that have happened that I knew you all would laugh about, or things you would be proud of me for, or things you’d roll your eyes about, but alas, I’ve been forcing myself to keep them all in. And then this week I decided, eff it. Just because I thought I needed to stop blogging, doesn’t mean I can’t change my mind. Right? Right. So, I’ll be joining Sawyer, Laney and K as a 4th blogger here on Sex and the Twenties. And while I don’t know how often I’ll write, or if I’ll write forever, I know that giving up blogging right when my dating life was getting interesting again, is just plain silly. (Not to mention unfair to all of you readers who had to put up with my less inspired posts during my very long dating dry spell…)

So what’s been going on you ask? So much! I’ll have to summarize the highlights.

British Men – I am now obsessed with them and I can already think of a whole string of posts pertaining to this topic. But I mean really, what’s not to love? They are so charming and polite and have personalities that are the the polar opposite of  Californian men. My first glimpse into my future as an anglophile started about a week after I moved to NY. I met this dreamy Brit (online) who was tall, blonde and oh so nice. And best of all he seemed to really like me! We went on a bunch of lovely dates and I had entirely too much fun falling head over heels quickly — which of course led to a complete heartbreak when 3 weeks later our romance was over. (Stay tuned for a post on, are you dating me for a green card?) And while heartbreak is never fun, I actually felt really happy to be SO sad over a guy who wasn’t D. And I felt hopeful that if I had liked someone this much after only being here for a few weeks, then it could happen again right?

Well it did… with yet another tall, blonde British guy who ironically shared the same name as my previous suitor. I met this handsome fellow in a bar in Chicago where I was imbibing heavily and having a swell time with some coworkers. When he walked up to me I thought, cute! And then he opened his mouth and I thought, Oh very cute!

We proceeded to talk for a couple of hours and I decided I adored him. He was so witty and sassy, (just like me!) and yet still quite charming and polite (not like me…). He cracked me up and made me nervous all at the same time and when they called last call at the bar, I just didn’t want the night to be over. I ended up bringing him back to my hotel room which is so not my style, but I was very much in a “let’s do things differently in life” mindset. And you know what — best sex of my life. No really… I was like, D who?? I don’t know if it was the whole, “I don’t have to impress you because I am never going to see you again thing,” or if we really did just click, but holy crap it was hot. So hot, that I decided I wasn’t on board with the, “we’ll never see each other again” plan and instead we began a nice flirty FB messaging relationship. Now, 3 months later we just had our first Skype date and I am planning on seeing his adorable British ass when I am in England next month. I seriously cannot wait!

Men from my past – Although I’ve been home 4 times since moving (damn work) I haven’t seen D since the day I left. Awesome, right?? I think so!

At first we were talking but then he got hurt when I told him about the first Brit, which led to some fighting and (as I predicted) to him getting back together with Cami. Two months ago he told me he didn’t think we should talk anymore, which definitely hurt, but ended up being exactly what I needed. Because my ego was wounded, and because I was all the way across the country, I never tried to contact him again and as time went on, it got easier and easier. In fact, last weekend when he called me I didn’t even pick up the phone. I had this crazy realization that ultimately, my plan had worked! Moving across the country and not seeing D anymore had taken away all the allure of our relationship. And in the light of my new found life, that silly little relationship seems so beyond over. Success!

I’ve also had a myriad of other men from my past who keep jumping in and out of the picture and I’m not really sure what to do with it. I feel like moving to NY has fundamentally changed me and it makes it hard to determine where (or if) these guys have a place in my new life.

NY Men from OKC – Naturally I have gone on a LOT of online dates since my arrival. And perhaps it is no surprise that many of them have been, um, interesting. My first date (post-Brit) was a shortish guy from Brooklyn. He looked cute online, but in person I felt like he was just too dainty for me (plus I had just arrived home from Chicago that afternoon so I was a bit distracted… ). Anyway I wasn’t really feeling it at all and I am sure I was being super boring, however homeboy went in for the kiss anyway! And right as I was about to pull away I realized, “hey that’s actually a pretty decent kiss. No actually, it’s a great kiss”. And while I never actually saw that guy again, (he did not call my boring ass) it was a good reminder that sometimes you have to be open to chemistry even with people you wouldn’t expect to have it with.

Next up was the finance guy. Ugh finance guys… I am sure I will write a post on this particular species at some point because in the scant four months I’ve been here, I already have a lot of opinions on the subject. In any case, this particular gentleman was someone I corresponded with for two weeks while I was home in California and someone who I was excited to meet. And while I have to admit, I did think he was pretty douchey when we first met (with his un buttoned white collared shirt, his colored/cuffed pants, and perfectly coiffed hair, eeesh) I actually enjoyed our date and thought it went quite well. We went to a nice restaurant, ordered a big ol dinner, drinks, deserts, and had a natural easy conversation. At the end of the night I was trying to figure out if he was going to kiss me or not, when he hailed me a cab, practically threw me in it and was like “take care!’

“TAKE CARE??” I thought. Wow… I had clearly misread the date. I felt like Cher in Clueless after her date with the gay guy when she is like, “Did I step into some unflattering lighting?? What happened here?” I am a fairly good people reader and nothing about him was saying he was not interested, so his dismissal was a real shock.

However, after I got over licking my wounds (which I assure you took both time and alcohol) I realized I really couldn’t be mad at this guy. So he wasn’t feeling it? Hell, I am no stranger to that! And clearly, he, like me, still knows how to be charming and engaging even when he isn’t interested. I thought of all the times a guy had called me after a date that I thought was oh-so-awkward. Every time that has happened, I am left feeling guilty that clearly this guy thinks there is a future when I am sure there absolutely is not.

So really, this guy’s abrupt dismissal is actually quite smart. He made it perfectly clear that he was not whatsoever interested in dating me and let me go on with my life. That’s fair and I respect it. Well played sir. I hope you take care as well!

After that was the entrepreneur. Holy shit this guy was too much. I mean seriously, I am an energetic person and quite loud, but this person exhausted me in the first 10 minutes of our date. I know it’s NY and you are ambitious and excited, but man…. Just mellow it out a bit. And maybe let me talk every once in awhile. I did not see him again.

Let’s see, who else was there… ah yes, the really nice, really nerdy guy. That date only lasted 45 minutes. Sweet little man, nooo sexual chemistry. It amazed me that he continued to ask  me out for weeks until I finally had to tell him I was taking a break from dating (sort of true).

And then there were at least 10 other guys with whom I had extended email correspondence without ever meeting (seems to be common here in the big apple). Sometimes I was just over it – I decided I was probably not going to like the guy anyways and just declined the offer to meet up. And other times, they just stopped talking to me… dah well! My personal favorite was the surgeon who texted me often over a two month period to tell me all about how he was always working. Fascinating! Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and asked him, kindly, to leave me alone.

But my absolute favorite of all my OKC stories to date, was the guy tried to get me to have email sex… Um is that a thing? Are we doing this now??

I must say this guy was really quite clever. We were emailing back and forth for awhile before I realized where he was going with his flirty compliments. And even though my face was red with embarrassment as I read his email, I actually found myself a little turned on. But because I decided email sex was weird, and more importantly because I was boarding a plane as I got this racy little note, I decided not to continue the correspondence. However, looking back, perhaps it was that guy’s fault I jumped into bed with Brit #2 on that same trip. Yes! Let’s blame him for getting me all worked up…

Last but not least…. other NY men – In addition to the guys I’ve met online, I’ve had quite a few interesting encounters with the mens of this city. I’ve been on accidental dates (oh, I thought we were just hanging as friends? No? oh ok.) I’ve met more man sluts than I can count (and then tried to befriend them… a tactic which seems to only make them want to sleep with you more – rubbish). And I have really been working my magic hitting on guys in bars. My roomie, newly single, expressed how impressed she was with my skills and I have to admit, I agree. Turns out, I still got it! Sort of…

Welp, that’s all for now. As you can tell I have so much more to say, but since you are all probably bleary-eyed from staring at the computer while reading this long-ass post, AND since I am in desperate need of a run, I will sign off for now. Toodles my friends. Thanks for being patient with my blogging/not blogging whims.

XX (how the Brits sign messages) Cali

6 Responses to “I Couldn’t Stay Away….”

  1. Kelly September 7, 2013 at 2:20 pm #

    I’m soooooo excited you are back!!!

    I can’t wait to hear more about the Brits…that accent…swoon.

    • Cali Bradshaw September 7, 2013 at 2:57 pm #

      Well thank you! I have to say, writing that blog post yesterday filled me with so much joy. I guess I never realized how much this blog meant to me! And a lot of the things I was worried about… dwelling on the past, my future husband reading it… just don’t seem very relevant right now. In any case, thanks for reading and I hope I have much more British news to share in the future! XX

  2. Leann September 8, 2013 at 1:35 am #

    Glad you’re back….definitely been curious what you’re up to! Hope that’s not too creepy coming from a stranger who stumbled upon your blog about a year ago! :-)

    • Cali Bradshaw September 8, 2013 at 2:49 am #

      Hahaha not creepy at all :) That actually makes me very happy! Thanks for reading for the past year and for chiming in now.


  3. Gayou September 8, 2013 at 3:35 am #

    Happy you’re back. I am writing from Haiti ( yes) and love your posts.

    • Cali Bradshaw September 8, 2013 at 2:57 pm #

      Well thank you, that’s very nice! I can’t believe you are reading from Haiti! I love that. One of my most favorite things about blogging is hearing from everyone across the world. It’s so crazy how places are so different and yet dating challenges are the same!

      Thanks for reading and for saying hi :) Made my morning.

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