About two weeks ago I was informed that Mr. Not Quite Right just bought a house that he is now living in with his girlfriend. The reaction this news prompted in me was amazing. I was immediately just so, so sad and honestly felt a little sick. Didn’t I break up with this guy because he was a bit of a disaster? What happened to the guy who spent all his money on beer and whose top priority was partying with his friends? This questioning lead me to think – did I blow it? Should I have continued to put up with the insecurities and the jealousy and the partying, because heck, no one is perfect?
Yea, this is a great thing to be thinking about on a Friday night, let me tell you…
So naturally my next line of thinking was – why the FUCK am I still thinking about this guy? I am a rational and logical person and, as a rational and logical person, I should know better than to be sitting around thinking about a situation I have no control over. He and I are done. It doesn’t matter if I was right or wrong – it’s done. Move the fuck on, self!
So, I told myself to forget about it and go out for the night.
But guess what – it’s not that easy. You can’t out-logic your emotions and the next day, when I was telling my Mom about this news, I broke down and started crying. For those of you who read this blog regularly, you know I am not a crier. I prefer to address situations with wit and/or hostility (…healthy!). So my reaction to a relationship that has been dead for almost a year and a half, surprised even me. Who knew I was still harboring so much emotion about this? Clearly I am a haunted woman.
And this is when I decided it is going to take a lot more than just telling myself to “get over it” to rid myself of this particular ghost. It doesn’t matter that it is irrational and inconvenient to still have feelings for this guy. The fact of the matter is, seeing his best friends every week at our kickball league – hurts. Hearing about all of his accomplishments from said friends – kills. And driving by places we used to go together -just plain sucks. I am surrounded by people, places and things that remind me of him even if they shouldn’t. And I’m fucking over it.
Drastic measures need to be taken. I am petrified that I am going to be 35, single, still living in PB, still hanging out with his friends, and still wishing that our pathetic little relationship had lasted.
I figure my options for becoming ghost free are as follows:
A. Force all of his friends to move. Possibilities include starting nasty rumors about them, reporting them to their landlords for illegal pets and/or drugs, or unleashing some sort of horrible virus near each of their homes.
B. Never leave my house again. Since pretty much every bar and restaurtant in the immedaite area reminds me of him or comes with the possibility of running into him, I am only safe while sitting in my living room.
C. Continue to mope and cry like a loser.
or D. Move.
Option D seems the least complicated (where does one find a virus anyway?) so moving it is. I am going a whole whopping 20 minutes away, but it’s better than nothing. In my new home I will have a new kickball league, sans the ex’s friends. I’ll be able to go out to dinner, go for a run, go grab a drink, without thinking about when he and I were at that restaurant, park or bar. And I’ll be surrounded by people who have never even heard Mr. Not Quite Right’s name and who will have no reason to know it now. The truth is, I don’t know if it will help, but it certainly can’t hurt.
If I am being honest, there are a whole lot of other good reasons, non-boy related, to move. (It’ll cut my work commute in half, it’s closer to my family, it is a bit of an older scene…) But I like being able to finally admit that this break-up has made me sad. Being stoic is exhausting and apparently getting me nowhere. So instead, I’ll just be honest and proactive. And maybe, just maybe, a change in scenery will help me meet someone I will never have to get over. A girl can dream, right?
So, without further ado – peace out Pacific Beach. It’s been real. Hello, Del Mar. Here’s to a happy and healthy relationship for us…