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Can you date a younger man?

10 Sep

If someone would have asked me this question a week ago, I would have definitely answered, hell no – you cannot date a younger man. I can’t even find guys my age who can handle me. How could I ever expect a younger guy to keep up?! But the other night, something happened to make me think that maybe, just maybe, I should start considering younger guys…

Last Saturday, my friend and I were out in Del Mar (my soon to be home) when I spotted this super cute/so my type guy from across the bar. Seeing as how it has been months since I have even found a guy attractive, I knew I had to talk to him – immediately. So I walked up to this tall, blonde, surfer and started chatting him and his friends up.

I liked him instantly. He was funny, outgoing, and personable. I quickly learned that he was a local San Diegan, went to a good college, and came from a good neighborhood. In fact, if he hadn’t informed me that he was moving to Australia in a few weeks, I would have thought he was total dating material.

After I’d been hanging with him and his friends for a couple of hours, one of them mentioned something about “just graduating.” Oh hell… I was praying that he was referring to graduating from grad school, but nope, this beautiful guy was only 22. A whopping 4 years younger than my soon to be 26 ass.

Normally, I would have just walked away then, cursing my old age and my financial security. But on this occasion, I decided that since I had already determined he was un-dateable, I might as well keep hanging out with him. Age doesn’t matter when you are making out, right?

So we hung out until the bar closed and then we all decided to after-party. Usually, I refuse post-bar parties (mama needs her beauty rest) but this guy’s energy was infectious and, frankly, I was practically high off attraction. So along I went, and I ended up having a blast. Like maybe one of the best make out sessions I’ve ever had (and I’ve  had a lot). When I woke up the next morning I was forced to realize that perhaps younger guys aren’t so bad. In fact, in some ways, they kinda make a lot a sense. Here’s why…

Reasons to date a younger man

  • They are hot – Think wrinkle free and tight bodies, this 22 year old was a treat for the eyes. When you don’t have a real job and you have plenty of time to surf and play, it definitely shows.
  • They don’t get intimidated – If you go young enough, they don’t consider themselves on the same playing field as you, so your success isn’t a threat to them. They can tell themselves that they’ll probably have an even higher title or make even more money than you do, by the time they get to that age.
  • They have lots of energy – Generally speaking I’m in bed by 10. On a late night at the bars, I can usually make it until 1:30….maybe. But these guys, they don’t have to get up at 5 AM during the week to work, and their young bodies can run off 3 hours of sleep. The good news – this energy is contagious. I was up until 4 AM last weekend, and I didn’t even need a 5 hour energy. Miraculous.
  • They make you feel young – Along the same lines, these guys’ youthful behavior appeared to rub off on me as well. Hearing the way they talked about their “summer break” and watching the way they interacted with each other, took me right back to when I was 22 and hanging out with my guy friends. I swear, for a moment, I actually felt like I went back in time. And while I am generally happy with the ways in which I have matured in the past 4 years, it was darn fun to feel like a young naive girl again without a care in the world.
  • They are less scarred – Sure some of them may have had some pretty serious girlfriends in HS or college, but let’s be real, the damage doesn’t get serious until you get older. Plus, they have likely had less relationships overall, which means that the overall bitterness that builds up in all of us singles over time, is less in these young bucks.
  • They may or may not live at their parents’ super nice house – Post party in a small, dirty apartment that smells like dogs or in an estate in Rancho Santa Fe complete with horses, pools and jacuzzis? Yea, not a tough call…I had forgotten how nice parents’ houses can be. Especially when they parentals are gone and the home is stocked with food and alcohol. And the next morning when you both wake up and neither of you have a car? No prob, you can take the parent’s benz, porsche or truck to get back to the bars.  Super convenient.
  • They think older girls are awesome – While we may be a little self conscious about our crows feet and our general oldness, younger guys seem to be quite enamored by the idea of an older girl. Apparently impressing us is a challenge, and we all know how much guys like a challenge.

So there you have it, the reasons you may want to consider a younger man. Now I’m not saying I am going to go out and pursue younger men from now on. I am positive there are plenty of things about actually dating one of these tikes that would drive me nuts. I am simply saying that perhaps younger men are underated and should be included in the consideration set. If nothing else, you may just have one of the best make out sessions of your life…

18 Responses to “Can you date a younger man?”

  1. Rita September 11, 2011 at 5:20 am #

    CALI!!! You are ONLY 26 and the rule of thumb is that you can go 7 years either way. Although I don’t recommend you dating a 19 year old…22 is not bad!! and it’s only 4 years! all our reasons are good reasons…to date them. forget all the reasons you have to NOT date them!

    • Viv December 16, 2011 at 7:11 pm #

      I have heard that half your age plus 7 is a good rule of thumb :-)

      • Cali Bradshaw January 22, 2012 at 5:47 pm #

        I have heard that as well… although 20 sounds insanely young. But still I will take that to mean anything over 20 is acceptable :)

    • Cali Bradshaw January 13, 2012 at 6:25 pm #

      Hahaha, deal. Thanks for the pep talk, Rita! XO, Cali

  2. nathan September 11, 2011 at 5:56 pm #

    You make me sound like a geezer at 35, which is so far from the truth. Four years difference, especially when both parties are past 20, means little to nothing.

    • Cali Bradshaw January 22, 2012 at 5:49 pm #

      Well, I think it kinda depends on where you are in your life though. I don’t think you can necessarily say that 4 years is always nothing. But, point taken! Thanks for the comment!

  3. aly September 12, 2011 at 5:05 pm #

    I like how you highlighted the pros of dating a younger man, because this issue has come up for myself recently. A couple of months ago my 25 year old self (soon to be 26 like you) met a guy at the beach that was hot! He had a dog, I had a dog…I figured it was meant to be. He was 23 years old which to me caught me off guard, but I gave it a shot anyway. I thought the same thing- he’s gonna be fun, full of energy, out going, and open to trying new things. Well although this guy was a sweet heart he was completely opposite of that. I later realized he was boring and extremely lethargic! At times I would ask him to drink caffeine before going on our dates ( teasing him but I was secretly serious). Getting conversation out of him was like talking to a wall. Maybe he was just a rare find but overall it was interesting dating a younger guy. Maybe the next one will be a red bull addict and I’ll be complaining that he wont calm down! lol

    • Cali Bradshaw January 22, 2012 at 5:51 pm #

      Hahhaa I love this comment AND I once dated a guy that I would tease about drinking coffee too!! If you are grumpy and tired all the time, dear sir, there is an easy solution… In any case, I am sorry to hear your young buck was such a dud! Thanks for the comment and welcome to 26. I think it is a pretty solid age :) XO – Cali

  4. Cassandra November 26, 2011 at 1:07 am #

    Ha! You are so cute, with your “crows feet” and “old” at 26 and “whopping 4 years younger”. I remember when I turned 30 and thought my life was over – it so wasn’t. 26 is nuthin’, it’s not even close to old. Don’t lay that weight on yourself, especially when you’re so young! There’s time enough to call youself ‘old’ when you’re maybe… 100?

    Still young at 41 over here….

    • Cali Bradshaw December 1, 2011 at 6:13 am #

      Hahah love it! I really do need an age reality check… I am fixated on being “old” for no apparent reason. Thanks for the kick in the pants!

  5. Viv December 16, 2011 at 6:40 pm #

    Hi! I’ve just stumbled across your site and love it! Would REALLY appreciate some advice regarding a younger guy. I’m a young looking 37 year old on a university exchange program in Europe where I met a super cute 26 year old American guy. We’ve had a few dates where conversation was great, lots of flirting and super sweet, totally my type – the last date ending with a promising kiss. He leaves to go home for Christmas next week and will be returning early January and flies out from a nearby city. Being the mature, confident older woman ;-)I suggested staying the night before in the city of departure (2 hours away), hoping for a night of no strings attached hot sex (not that I put it that way!). He was all up for it but then silence for a few days and then pulled out at the last minute saying ‘I’m sorry to say that I won’t be able to make it in the end. I’m not nearly as ready for my trip as I had hoped to be, and that, combined with several other factors, means it’ll be much less chaotic to stick with the ticket I’ve already got.
    No need to apologise. It would have been a blast! It’s too bad we didn’t have more time to plan it out.
    In any case, have a great trip and enjoy the holidays. Talk to you soon.’

    How would you take that? It’s kind sterile right? I hate to be so pathetic but I unexpectedly feel kind of deflated and rejected. Really? Packing for a 3 week trip takes that long? I guess I already know what you’re answer will be – move on and forget it, right? I hate that at this age that I’ve let a guy still make me feel so vulnerable :( and over analytical. Would appreciate your perspective. Thanks! V

    • Viv December 16, 2011 at 7:16 pm #

      PS Just wanted to add that I’m only here for another 2 months so it’s not like there’s any expectation on either side of a serious relationship but isn’t that ideal for him then? A brief fling with a hot, older woman?

      • Cali Bradshaw January 22, 2012 at 5:59 pm #

        Hi Love, sorry it took me a while to respond to this. My new mantra is: I am not longer interested in trying to figure out WHY guys do what they do. Who knows what this dude’s deal is – he sounds like a darn fool – but it is clear that he isn’t giving you what you want. So don’t let him affect how you feel about yourself and yes, move on! 26 year olds are a tough age with guys (IMO). Many pf the 26 year old guys think they have it soooo figured out and that they have their poop in a group – and then half the time it is true and they act like these great mature cool guys. The other half they are getting hammered and looking like weathered frat boys. True story. Hope the rest of your trip was/is amazing and thanks for reading! – Cali

  6. FlashDveloper January 10, 2012 at 8:06 pm #

    I love, love your blog! I just recently became single and am re-entering the dating world. My, its changed a lot in 6 years, even for me. I’ve gone on one date thus far…it went well, but at the same time, there were a lot of mixed signals.We had great conversation, but trying to learn about him, what he’s about, and his background…was impossible. He spent a lot of time with me and we talked about music, cars, etc…and blew off his best friend…which I thought was a positive sign. I got a hug in the end (was hoping for a kiss..but didn’t go for it).

    Now, here is the list of, “uh ohs”…He only texts me…that’s something I noticed, and never plans for a date…things are usually last minute. He tells me he’s going to be bored that night if I feel like coming to see him I can. Now what girl would want to jump in the car and come running because you are going to be bored??? That really bothered me. I made a comment at him about how hard it was getting to know him…and does he usually act this way with the women he dates…he freaked. “…we’re dating???” I mentioned the word “dating” casually, not like we are in a committed relationship. I was nice in responding…but haven’t heard from him since…I should have known better. Lots of mixed signals, and very cloudy all around.

    What a tool. A hot tool at that, though…sigh.

    • Cali Bradshaw January 22, 2012 at 6:02 pm #

      Hahahahah this sounds SO familiar!! I may have dated this guy… no but really, super typical. The texting, ugh, the lack of planning double ugh. And really, freaking out about saying the word date?? What are we 5? You are darn right – what a tool. I wish these guys good luck. They are a dime a dozen and I can’t imagine there are that many pathetic girls out there who will put up with this type of courtship. You are lucky you didn’t hear from him again! Thanks for reading,

  7. Kari April 3, 2012 at 9:17 pm #

    I’m back in the University (never graduated) at 25 and just met this gorgeous guy in a speedo at a race – friends and I followed him around to get a picture with him (they give you beer after the run, and I was pretty wasted). He responded and got a picture with me too and then we hung out and I got to meet some of his friends…they were fun but seemed young but I really didn’t want to ask his age because I wasn’t sure how I’d respond if he was too young…turns out he’s turning 19…tall, blonde, surfer, cocky, talented. Well he’s moving in a month…should I just let it happen? My only concern is telling my friends…it sucks because I’ve been dating a whole bunch of duds, and finally this gorgeous guy comes along :/

  8. Ilovemybf August 8, 2012 at 6:01 am #

    yeah i am dating a 20 year old boy for a year now. he is getting serious about our relationship. we have great connections and dating a much younger guy make me a very happy girl – well, one of the most obvious benefits is he is young and fresh looking. we have the best sex in the world. he loves my body (well, I do have a good one), and I love the fact he can last long and he looks so cute all the time :-)
    We are obsessed with each other. He is crazy about me, and me the same thing, but I just have better control so that he doesn’t know about it. We had a slow start and went through many difficulties, but we want to work out our relationship.
    Being with him has made me a “20 year-old” woman. I feel young, again, and that feeling makes me want to live a good life and be positive.
    I love what we are having now, and nothing is more important than our happiness, his happiness. I don’t care about getting married, as long as we support each other and have each other’s love.
    Next time when I see him (which is very soon), I want to kiss him passionately and make him feel he is the best in the world. I miss his boyish smile, his laughs, and I bet he misses me like crazy too.

  9. Cam October 7, 2012 at 8:29 pm #

    I’m 28 now, and ever since I started dating, I’ve been with guys at least one or two years older than me, with the largest difference being a ~25 year age gap. So I never thought I’d ever be the older person in the relationship. Very recently, however, I’ve been finding myself surrounded by a slew of younger guys who are very attracted to me, and I’m currently dating two of them; one is 19 and one is 20. I don’t consider myself a “cougar” on the “prowl” for younger guys, I’m simply age-blind (in the exact same way I’m color- and race-blind) and never worry about what younger people think about me or give off a whiff of self-consciousness/insecurity. (Younger guys do have a “green” and “inexperienced” feel to them in the way they communicate, but I still respect them like I would anyone else.) The way I see it, it’s better to be older — youth is kind of a silly and annoying place to be in and I never want to go back. I guess this comfort with myself is what comes across to these young guys, because I can’t seem to avoid them, haha. :)

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