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Anatomy of Date: After.

3 Jun

Guest Post by Laney

Womp womp. My date turned out to be a pretty big dud., which is semi-surprising because of his prowess at keeping the virtual conversation flowing.

He was all of those factual things I knew about him going in, so it’s good to know I didn’t get majorly Catfished or anything, but he lacked any … enthusiasm. He showed now real interest in conversation, interest in himself or interest in proper dining etiquette. So … there’s that.

I arrived.
I showed up, made a lap of the bar/restaurant, and upon not seeing him or anyone who looked like they were waiting for me,  I sat down. About 10 minutes late, he showed up in cargo pants. Now, I’m all for the functionality of a good cargo, but between that and his unkempt hair, I felt an immediate distaste. I definitely should have rethought those heeled booties … both because I felt over-dressed (unnecessarily, because I looked, as the Brits would say, smart) and because he was about 5-foot-4.

We covered the bulk of small-talk conversations from jobs, to hobbies to “what are you going to order.” Some parts went smoothly, others had awkward silences. We toughed it out for two rounds of beers and some appetizers, which he ate like he was a T-Rex with only his little, dextrous hands and barely opposable thumbs. It was quite off-putting. Frankly, I expected more out of an East Coaster.

As we were wrapping up our last drink, the place started its trivia night, which generously helped our conversation for the last 10 minutes or so. Until he got super upset that I debunked his belief that humans actually have blue blood. I am not exactly a competitive person, so you can imagine I phrased it much like “I’m pretty sure I saw on Mythbusters—because their word is oak—that that’s not true.” Upon Googling to see if I was correct, he became a bit of a pouty loser.

My 2 beers + food = your 2 beers + food, no?
The bill came, and we each threw out a credit card. I was not expecting him to pay, but I will say, since I’m being honest, it did feel a bit negative that he didn’t even consider it. And when he followed that with “How do you wanna do this?” I just sort of rolled my eyes. Obviously, we are splitting it.  I know Cali’s pissed off a lot of people with her thoughts on who pays, but now matter how you swing it, the penny-pinching minutia over who pays for a date or how you split the bill makes a girl’s vagina go dry.

Oh, and it turns out he lives in Bird Rock, not PB; he just didn’t know the difference. While that was exciting to find out, that was really  the only exciting part of the night. I’m losing my touch at picking winners on Tinder. Oy.

Where are all the interesting men hiding?,

6 Responses to “Anatomy of Date: After.”

  1. Nev June 10, 2014 at 1:53 pm #

    Hey, sorry to hear your date was a bust! On the bright side, you stayed in your two drink limit.. Also, I would have fought him if he tried to pay – after all, there was zilch chance of it going any further, so I would have thought it wasn’t fair to let him pick up the bill. On the other other plus side, it gave you a nice story to put on your blog. Keep posting, so the rest of us have something to read over tea at work!

    • Laney June 10, 2014 at 6:46 pm #

      Thanks Nev! Always appreciate to hear someone out there is enjoying the posts! Agreed, with zero chance of it going anywhere, I also would have fought to pay my share, but there’s some sort of inherent responsibility about offering to pay when you are the one who suggested the date, in my opinion. I suppose because assuming a guy should only (offer to) pay if there’s a chance it could go further vaguely resembles sex for trade in my book ;)
      Great to hear from ya,

  2. Cali Bradshaw June 25, 2014 at 3:59 am #

    Ewwwww. I hate him. Uber snore. #next

  3. Emma July 4, 2014 at 10:34 pm #

    Hi Laney (and Cali!) – As the world of Tinder is still a mystery to me I appreciate your post. As a longtime serial dater, I havent done the Tinder thing yet but am considering it. I have heard some horror stories and all my real life hook up and dating techniques have been backfiring on me bigtime lately. I have been dumped twice in the past week so am basically back in “I need attention, tell me I’m pretty” mode. What are your thoughts on Tinder overall? Is it hopeless for having a REAL relationship…not looking for sex with a bunch of randoms but 2 people I know met their amazing significant others off it. I’m torn. I’m in Vegas and I feel like it will be douchebag soup…help!

    • Cali Bradshaw July 5, 2014 at 1:13 pm #

      Hi Emma,

      Listen, Tinder is 99 percent crap, however it’s highly entertaining. And I have gone on many dates from the app (and have actually had zero “hook-ups” from Tinder, so maybe I’m not doing it right?” But I can’t hate on the app too much. It’s how I met the guy I’m dating, which is ironic since we’ve discovered we’ve both been in the same place, at the same event, dozens of times and never met. So, to that extent, I have to give Tinder some credit. My advice to you would be to not take it too seriously and just have fun with it. If you don’t take it to seriously, it’s an awesome time :)

    • Laney August 14, 2014 at 9:24 pm #

      I’ll tell you this – Tinder is stupid as all hell. But so are 99% of all other ways in which we meet people, right? It’s pretty perfect for an ego boost, if that’s where you’re at. And hey, a girl I went to high school with just got engaged off of Tinder.

      nothing is ever hopeless ;)

      P.S. let me know if you try it!

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